Lime Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Lifesavers

    Hot 3 years ago

    There was a scientist who wanted to see how smart kids were before they went to kindergarten.
    He blind-folded them and gave them a lime lifesaver to eat. He asked them if they knew what kind it was.
    "Lime" they all replied
    "Very good!" the scientist said "What about this one?" He gave them a honey flavored one and asked them if they knew what it was but no one knew.
    "C'mon!" he said "It's what your mommy calls your daddy"
    All of the sudden one kid spits it out and yells out "EVERYBODY SPIT IT OUT - THEY'RE A$$HOLES!"

    Knock Knock - Lime

    Hot 2 months ago

    Knock Knock
    Who's there!
    Lime!
    Lime who?
    Lime bean!

    Ladies vs. Real Women

    Hot 2 years ago

    Ladies - If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."

    Real Women - If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

    Ladies - Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

    Real Women - Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?

    Ladies - Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

    Real Women - Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

    Ladies - To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the more...

    Martha Stewart vs Me

    Hot 2 months ago

    Martha Stewart vs Me... Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway. Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time. My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag. Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes. My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year. Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling. My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway? Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room more...

    A rep. from life savers was doing a study on the new flavor. honney life savor. he went to a local elm.school and handed out strawberry cherry lime and honney flavored life savers to the kids in the class. after they ate on he would ask the kids what flaver they were. for the strawberry they all said strawberry and for cherry they saie cherry and for lime they guessd lime. but they all had a problem whith the honey flavored one. the rep said " i will give yall a hint. the flavor is something your mom calls your dad." just then a tot with a horrible look on his face cries out" oh my god spit it out there ass holes.

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