Librarian Jokes / Recent Jokes

The new Librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "Contract" for returning the books on time.
Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the Librarian, giving her his name as he did so.
The Librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.
Before the Librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, "That other Librarian we had could write."

A judge in his golden years decided that retirement had become too boring. So he volunteered as a librarian at his local library branch.
A week later, his supervisor, a stern woman in her sixties, called him into her office.
She cleared her throat and said, “You know, I appreciate that when you were a judge you were stern with lawbreakers. And you carry that with you to your new job, which is commendable. But when someone owes an overdue fine, you can’t just…”
The judge interupted… “I had to throw the book at him or he would think I was soft. ”
“I know, ” said the librarian, “but the Oxford English Dictionary? ”

"Excuse me," a young fellow said to an older librarian, "I've just moved here and I wonder if this town has any criminal lawyers." "Well," replied the librarian, "I have lived here all my life and all I can tell you is we are pretty sure we do, but no one has been able to prove it yet."

When Suzy decided to improve her computer skills, she threw herself into it with enthusiasm. Every week she'd check out two or three instructional books from the library.After about a month, the librarian commented, "Wow! You must really be getting knowledgeable at this stuff.""Thanks," Suzy said. "What makes you say that?"The librarian answered, "Only one of the books you're checking out this week has' For Dummies' in the title."

A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, Ma'am?" said the librarian looking up at her.

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked "What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" said the blonde.

The librarian nodded and said, "Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."

A pilot, the President, Micheal Jackson, a librarian, and some kids are on a plane that is about to crash. There are just enough parachutes that one person must die.
The pilot says "Well, I'm the pilot so i have to live," so he jumps out with a parachute.
The President says "Well I'm the President and I have to run the country so i should live,"
"But what about the kids?" said the librarian.
"Screw the kids" said the President.
"I already did" said Micheal Jackson.

Santa stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"
"Yes, Sir ?" said the librarian looking up at him.
"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"
Puzzled by his complain the librarian asked "What was wrong with it?"
"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" said Santa.
The librarian nodded and said, "Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."