Lewis Jokes

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    Holiday Party Memo

    Hot 2 months ago

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: October 1, 2009

    RE: Gala Christmas Party

    I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

    Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!

    Merry Christmas to you and your family,

    Patty



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    Old and Forgetful

    Hot 3 years ago

    Mr. Bell is an elderly man who resides in a nursing home. One day, he entered the nurses' office and advised Nurse Lewis that his penis had died.
    Realizing that Mr. Bell was old and forgetful, Nurse Lewis decided to humor him and just play along. "It did? I'm sorry to hear that, Mr. Bell," she said.
    A couple of days later, Nurse Lewis noticed Mr. Bell walking down the hall with his penis hanging out of his pants.
    "Mr. Bell, I thought you told me your penis had died," she said.
    "It did," he replied. "Today is the viewing."

    December 1stTO: ALL EMPLOYEESI'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.Merry Christmas to you and your family.Patty Lewis - Human Resources DirectorDecember 2ndTO: ALL EMPLOYEESIn no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.Happy Holidays to you and your more...

    FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: December 14
    RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
    I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
    Happy Holidays!

    Many people have noticed that Tolkien's novel "The Lord of the
    Rings" bears an uncanny resemblance to the game of Dungeons and
    Dragons, in that it contains elves, dwarves, orcs and so forth.
    Clearly Tolkien was much influenced by D&D, and a recently
    unearthed recording, probably made by MI5, shows him playing
    Dungeons and Dragons on the floor of his rooms in Merton College,
    Oxford, one evening, with C.S. Lewis, Charles Williams, and
    various other luminaries.
    Here is part of the transcript of the recording, which all will
    agree is of great historical interest.
    C.S. Lewis: Well, Tom, it's really good of you to come along and
    act as Dungeon Master for the evening. Haven't enjoyed myself so
    much since I played in G.K. Chesterton's dungeon and slew Father
    Brown.
    T.S. Eliot (for it is he): Thanks. Anyway, is Father Aslan going
    to go and explore the Waste Land further yet, or will he have
    another drink?
    Lewis: That more...

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