Lettuce Jokes / Recent Jokes

An eight year old boy, and a nineteen year old boy with his girlfriend were going to bed.
The nineteen year old and his girlfriend were on the top bunk and the eight year old took the bottom bunk.
The couple on the top bunk wanted to have sex. But their was only one problem... the eight year old on the bottom bunk. So the girl said let's make up keywords so we don't scare him. Lettuce will be harder and tomatoe will be rollover.
All through the night the only thing the puzzled boy heard was lettuce, tamatoe, lettuce, tomatoe, lettuce, tomatoe.
the couple was in the middle of their pleasure when the boy said...
Would you guys stop making sandwiches up their, you're dripping mayonnaise on me

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the supermarket.A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a half head. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter. The boy walked into the back room and said, "There's some idiot out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce."As he was finishing saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half".The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?"The boy replied, "Canada, sir"."Oh, really? Why more...

A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife: "I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter: "Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!"

What did the salad say when the cabbage interrupted their meal? Lettuce alone!

The first day that a young boy went to work in the produce department at a local grocery store he was encountered by a customer with dark hair and wearing a suit. The customer told the boy that he wanted to buy a 1/2 head of lettuce. The young boy informed the customer that he would have to consult his supervisor in order to sell just a 1/2 head of lettuce. As the boy approached his supervisor he whispered “Hey, some ASSHOLE wants to buy a 1/2 head of lettuce. ” The boy then noticed that the customer was standing right behind him. The boy then said ” And this nice man would like to buy the other 1/2. ”
The Supervisor was so impressed the boy’s wit and quick thinking that he offered the boy a management position in Washington, St. The boy accepted the offer and stated that the only thing from Washington was whores and hockey players. The Supervisor said “Hey, my wife is from Washington. ” The young boy said “Oh yea, what team did she play for? ”

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of a market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. But the man said that he did not need a whole head, only a half. The boy explained that he would have to ask the manager. So he walked into the back room and said, "There is some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he said it, he turned to find the man standing right behind him. Realizing he had been overheard, the boy quickly added, "and this gentleman wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the request, and the man went on his way. Later, the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got out of it. You think on your feet, and we like that around here. Where are you from son?" The boy replied, "Minnesota, sir". "Oh, really? Why did you leave more...

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.' Wow, this is great,' he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass. "Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?" "Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. I tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he more...