Letter Jokes / Recent Jokes

What is the value of a kind word?
In January of 1986 I was flipping through the channels on TV and saw the closing credits for a PBS show called "Funny Business," a show about cartooning. I had always wanted to be a cartoonist but never knew how to go about it. I wrote to the host of the show, cartoonist Jack Cassady, and asked his advice on entering the profession.
A few weeks later I got an encouraging handwritten letter from Jack, answering all of my specific questions about materials and process. He

went on to warn me about the likelihood of being rejected at first, advising me not to get discouraged if that happened. He said the cartoon samples I sent him were good and worthy of publication.
I got very excited, finally understanding how the whole process worked. I submitted my best cartoons to Playboy and New Yorker. The magazines quickly rejected me with cold little photocopied form letter. Discouraged, I put my art supplies in the closet and more...

Poetic Love Letter

Hot 2 years ago

A Collegian was deeply in love with a foreign girl,
whom he wanted to marry, but he did not have the
courage to talk to her in person. so he decided to
go home and with the aid of a dictionary, wrote a
letter of proposal to her.
this is what he wrote. .....
my darling
most worthy of your estimation, after a long
consideration and much meditation, i have a strong
inclination to become your relation.
as to my educational qualification, it is no
exaggeration or fabrication, that i have passed my
matriculation, no doubt without any hesitation and
very little concentrated preparation. what you say
to the solemnization of our marriage celebration
according to the population of the present generation.
on your approbation of this application,
i shall make preparation to improve my situation,
and if such obligation is worthy of consideration
and commiseration, it will be an augmentation of more...

President Bush Plays God

Hot 2 years ago

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing
happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA,
they decided to send it to President Bush.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed
his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.
President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a
little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a
thank you note to God, which read:
"Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for
some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual,
those crooks deducted $95.00."

Rejection letter!

Hot 6 years ago

Dear Manager,
Thank you for your letter of April 25th. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me a position in your company.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite your companies outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position in your department this August.
I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Gravy Ladle

Hot 2 years ago

In France, the young assistant pastors do not live in the main rectory. That is
reserved for the pastor and his housekeeper.
One day the pastor invited his new young assistant pastor to have dinner at the
rectory. While being served, the young pastor noticed how shapely and lovely the
housekeeper was and he wondered...
After the meal was over, the middle-aged pastor assured the young priest that
everything was purely professional and that she was the housekeeper and cook and
that was that.
About a week later the housekeeper came to the pastor and said, "Father, ever
since the new assistant came for dinner, I have not been able to find the
beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?"
The pastor said, "Well, I doubt it but I'll write him a letter." So he wrote,
"Dear Father, I'm not saying that you did take the gravy ladle and I'm not
saying you did not take the gravy ladle. But the fact more...

Insurance Claim

Hot 2 years ago

(name withheld) Minnetonka, MN 55345Superior Health Insurance ATTN: Claims Review 1423 W. 90th St. New York, NY 05016Dear Sir:This letter is in response to your recent letter requesting a more detailed explanation concerning my recent internment at Methodist Hospital. Specifically, you asked for an expansion in reference to Block 21A.(3) of the claim form (reason for hospital visit). On the original form, I put "Stupidity". I realize now that this answer was somewhat vague and so I will attempt to more fully explain the circumstances leading up to my hospitalization.I had needed to use the restroom and had just finished a quick bite to eat at the local burger joint. I entered the bathroom, took care of my business, and just prior to the moment in which I had planned to raise my trousers, the locked case that prevents theft of the toilet paper in such places came undone and, feeling it striking my knee, unthinkingly, I immediately, and with unnecessary force, returned the lid more...

prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear
Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the
back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read
all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever
you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where
I hid all the money."
A week or so later, he received another letter from
his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe
what happened, some men came with shovels to the house,
and dug up the entire back garden."
The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear
wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."