Lena Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Dictator

    Hot 1 year ago

    Olie and Lena are getting ready to go to a Halloween party. Lena comes out almost naked except for a ribbon with a lemon tied around her waist.
    Olie days, "Lane, is that what you're going to wear?"
    Lena says, "Yes Olie, it is."
    Then Olie goes back and comes out almost naked except for a ribbon with a potato tied around his waist
    Lena asks, "Olie, is that what you're gonna wear to the party?"
    Olie says, "Yes, I figured if you could go as a sour puss, I could go as a dictator."

    Natural Births

    Hot 1 year ago

    Little Ole was sitting at the kitchen table doing his school homework. He had a puzzled look on his face as he considered the assignment that was due--writing an essay about his origin. He turned to question his mother. "Mama, vere did Grandma come from?" he asked. "Da stork brought her, " answered mama Lena. "And vere did yew come from?" asked Little Ole. "Da stork brought me, " his mother answered. "And vere did I come from?" Little Ole inquired. "Vell, son, da stork brought yew, tew, " mama Lena replied. With a scowl on his face, Little Ole picked up his pencil, turned to his school tablet, and began writing his essay: "Dere have been no natural births in our family for three yenerations."

    Ole and Lena were applying for a wedding license and were answering questions asked by the clerk. "Lena, how old are you?"
    Lena answered, "I am going to be tventy one in Yanuary."
    Next the clerk asked, "Lena, how tall are you?" Lena stated, "I'm yust about six feet tall."
    "And how much do you weigh, Lena?" was the next question. "I weigh yust about 230 pounds."
    "Wow," exclaimed the clerk, "You're big enough to play with the Green Bay Packers!!"
    "Oh no," answered Lena, "I yust play with Ole's packer."

    Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee
    listening to the weather report coming over the radio.
    "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the
    streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies "Jeez, okay."
    Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of
    morning coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies, "Jeez, okay."
    Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of
    coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and then the power went out and Ole didn't get the rest more...

    After a long and serious operation, Lena ended up in a coma. Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news.
    "We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good I'm afraid"
    the doctor told Ralph in a quiet somber voice. Ralph looked at Lena and with a soft trembling voice said: "But doctor, she's so young. She's only 45."
    "37" came the weak reply from Lena.

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