Lena Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Dictator

    Hot 1 year ago

    Olie and Lena are getting ready to go to a Halloween party. Lena comes out almost naked except for a ribbon with a lemon tied around her waist.
    Olie days, "Lane, is that what you're going to wear?"
    Lena says, "Yes Olie, it is."
    Then Olie goes back and comes out almost naked except for a ribbon with a potato tied around his waist
    Lena asks, "Olie, is that what you're gonna wear to the party?"
    Olie says, "Yes, I figured if you could go as a sour puss, I could go as a dictator."

    Ole and Lena were applying for a wedding license and were answering questions asked by the clerk. "Lena, how old are you?"
    Lena answered, "I am going to be tventy one in Yanuary."
    Next the clerk asked, "Lena, how tall are you?" Lena stated, "I'm yust about six feet tall."
    "And how much do you weigh, Lena?" was the next question. "I weigh yust about 230 pounds."
    "Wow," exclaimed the clerk, "You're big enough to play with the Green Bay Packers!!"
    "Oh no," answered Lena, "I yust play with Ole's packer."

    Natural Births

    Hot 2 years ago

    Little Ole was sitting at the kitchen table doing his school homework. He had a puzzled look on his face as he considered the assignment that was due--writing an essay about his origin. He turned to question his mother. "Mama, vere did Grandma come from?" he asked. "Da stork brought her, " answered mama Lena. "And vere did yew come from?" asked Little Ole. "Da stork brought me, " his mother answered. "And vere did I come from?" Little Ole inquired. "Vell, son, da stork brought yew, tew, " mama Lena replied. With a scowl on his face, Little Ole picked up his pencil, turned to his school tablet, and began writing his essay: "Dere have been no natural births in our family for three yenerations."

    Price for Message

    Hot 2 years ago

    Ole and Lena's bull took sick and died, so they needed to go to the auction to buy a new one. Ole had to get the crops in and couldn't leave the farm, so Lena took the train to the city to buy a bull. If she was successful, she would take the train back to the farm, then she and Ole would go to town with the truck to pick up their newly purchased bull.
    The bidding was furious at the livestock auction, and Lena found herself bidding on the last remaining bull. It took everything she had but ten cents, but she was finally the successful bidder.
    Unfortunately, the train home was fifty cents. "Please, Mr. Conductor, couldn't you make an exception just once?" pleaded Lena. "Sorry lady," he replied, "but you can send your husband a telegram to tell him your problem. The office is just down the street."
    At the Telegraph office, Lena asked, "Mister, how many vords can I send to my husband for a dime?" "It's ten cents a word," more...

    Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee
    listening to the weather report coming over the radio.
    "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the
    streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies "Jeez, okay."
    Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of
    morning coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies, "Jeez, okay."
    Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of
    coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and then the power went out and Ole didn't get the rest more...

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