Lancelot Jokes

King Arthur knew that Guinevere was cheating on him, but he didn't know who with. Intending to find out, he had her fit with a special chastity belt, lined on either side by razor blades.
Several days later, Arthur had all his knights line up and drop trousers so he could inspect any damage to their members. He was shocked to find that all the knights except Lancelot were missing part or all of their equipment.
Embracing Lancelot, Arthur said, "Thank you, you have no idea what your loyalty means to me."
"It meanf a wot to me altho," replied the tongueless knight.

Before he went off to the wars, King Arthur locked his lovely wife, Guinevere, into her chastity belt. Then he summoned his loyal friend and subject, Sir Lancelot.
"Lancelot, noble knight," said Arthur, "within this sturdy belt is imprisoned the virtue of my wife. The key to this chaste treasure I will entrust to only one man in the world. To you."
Humbled before this great honor, Lancelot knelt, received his king's blessing and took charge of the key. Arthur mounted his steed and rode off. Not half a mile from his castle, he heard hoofbeats behind him and turned to see Sir Lancelot riding hard to catch up with him. "What is amiss, my friend?" asked the king.
"My lord," gasped Lancelot, "you have given me the wrong key!"

Okay, so. King Arthur is in a heated battle with another king. Now, Arthur has all of his best men in battle, but unfortunatly, he loses. Because kings don't really kill other kings, the king agrees to let Arthur go, if he answers one question. The king asks Arther to find out what a woman wants most. The question must be answered in 1 year's time. Arthur has no idea where to look, so he sends a few of his best soldiers to search for someone who knows what women want. 2 months later, Arthur hears word of a witch who lives up in the northern-most mountains who knows what all women want. Arthur sent his best man, Sir Lancelot Du Lac to find the witch. Sir Lancelot travels for many moons, until one day, he finally finds the witch. He walks into the cave and sees only a bear. He says, "Kind bear, will you please tell me where the witch is?"
The bear replies, "What business do you have here?"
"I need to find out what women want the more...

There was a young fellow named Lancelot Whom the neighbors all looked on askance a lot.
For whenever he'd pass
A presentable lass, The front of his pants would advance a lot.

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?.... What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.
But the price would be high; as the witch was more...