After many years, a young Jewish Talmud student who had left the old country for America returns to visit the family.
"But-where is your beard?" asks his mother upon seeing him.
"Mama," he replies, "in America, nobody wears a beard."
"But at least you keep the Sabbath?"
"Mama, business is business. In America, everybody works on the Sabbath."
"But kosher food you still eat?"
"Mama, in America, it is very difficult to keep kosher."
The old lady ponders this information and then leans over and whispers in his ear, "Isaac, tell me-you're still circumcised?"
A Rabbi was walking home from the Temple and saw one of his good friends, a pious and learned man who could usually beat the rabbi in religious arguments.
The rabbi started walking faster so that he could catch up to his friend, when he was horrified to see his friend go into a Chinese restaurant (not a kosher one).
Standing at the door, he observed his friend talking to a waiter and gesturing at a menu. A short time later, the waiter reappeared
carrying a platter full of spare ribs, shrimp in lobster sauce, crab rangoon and other treif that the Rabbi could not bear to think about.
As his friend picked up the chopsticks and began to eat this food, the Rabbi burst into the restaurant and reproached his friend, for he could take it no longer.
"Morris, what is this you are doing? I saw you come into this restaurant, order this filth and now you are eating it in violation of everything we are taught about the dietary laws and with an apparent enjoyment that does more...
You have been selected to play "So You Wouldn't Mind Being a Kosher Millionaire...You Should Only Live So Long." You have three lifelines to help you, as follows:
1. You may call a Rabbi for his opinion.
2. You may ask the congregation for their opinion.
3. You may consider your spouse's opinion... or not.
Bonus lifeline! Whether you ask for it or not, your Mother will give you her opinion.
Q. What is the name of the Russian Space Station that crashed and burned on re-entry?
A. Oy Vey is Mir
Q. How does a Jewish woman call her family to dinner?
A. All right, everybody get in the car.
Q. Who is Israel's favorite Internet provider?
Q. What is the name of a facial lotion made for Jewish women?
A. Oil of Oy Vey.
Q. What is the title of the new horror film for Jewish women?
A. Debbie Does more...
Mrs. Goldberg went to the doctor because she hadn't been "regular" in quite some time. The doctor examined her, found nothing unusual and attributed her problem to her diet and her age. He recommended that she take a laxative.
"Doctor," Mrs. Goldberg admonished him, "remember - I'm kosher. Whatever you prescribe for me MUST be kosher!"
"Mrs. Goldberg," he replied, "I want you to take Serutan and don't worry, it's kosher."
"You're sure, doctor? You're absolutely positive it's kosher? Because if it's not kosher, I can't take it and I'd be very upset to find out it wasn't kosher!"
"Mrs. Goldberg," the doctor assured her, "of course it's kosher. Serutan spelled backwards is NATURES and what could be more kosher than nature?"
Reassured, Mrs. Goldberg left the office. Two weeks later, Mrs. Goldberg came storming into the doctor's office. "Doctor!" she screamed, "I'm so angry at more...
NEW YORK, Oct. 7 (JTA) - In the beginning there was an idea and it was good: Jewish beer, named "He'Brew - The Chosen Beer.''
The beginning, for beer developer Jeremy Cowan, was last Chanukah, and it was so good that he sold every bottle of his 100 cases almost as soon as they hit the shelves of the liquor stores, kosher delis and restaurants that carried it in the San Francisco area.
Today Cowan, 28, has contracted with a leading micro-brewery and professional beer distributors in the San Francisco area, and is selling as many cases of the unconventional beer - 500 - in a week as he did during the past nine months.
The beer, whose theme is "exile never tasted so good," is available in stores throughout California and in other places by toll-free mail order through The Wine Club.
The centerpiece of the beer's brightly colored label is a picture of a Chasidic-looking rabbi looming over a landscape that puts the Golden Gate Bridge right next to a Jerusalem more...