Knights Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    King Arthur knew that Guinevere was cheating on him, but he didn't know who with. Intending to find out, he had her fit with a special chastity belt, lined on either side by razor blades.
    Several days later, Arthur had all his knights line up and drop trousers so he could inspect any damage to their members. He was shocked to find that all the knights except Lancelot were missing part or all of their equipment.
    Embracing Lancelot, Arthur said, "Thank you, you have no idea what your loyalty means to me."
    "It meanf a wot to me altho," replied the tongueless knight.

    A huge fleet of the english army came to a hill, on the bottom of the hill, there was a forest of trees. Just before the king was about to go down into it he heard a voice from the forest it yelled,

    " ONE IRISH MAN WILL DEFEAT THE WHOLE ENGLISH ARMY!!"

    The king was outraged and he sent two of his best knights down. After much clashing of swords there was blood curdling screams and all was silent.

    Again the king heard
    " ONE IRISH MAN WILL DEFEAT THE WHOLE ENGLISH ARMY!!"

    He was now so furious that he sent twenty of his knights down. There were screams of agony and pain...then all was quiet.

    again they heard
    " ONE IRISH MAN WILL DEFEAT THE WHOLE ENGLISH ARMY!!"

    The king was know seeing red and in his fury he sent the remaining of his fleet down to the forest. There were screams an clashing of swords and then all was quiet.

    The king was dumbfounded!! But one of his more...

    1. Battle droids in a high tech galactic civilisation where FTL travel is common have targeting systems inferior to those on a F-15.

    2. Actually, their targeting systems are inferior to a spastic eight year old with a slingshot.

    3. After the Jedi Knights have proven they can deflect laser bolts with their light sabers, the battle droids never think to stop firing.

    4. Rather than having integral weapons systems, battle droids are cleverly designed to carry weapons that can be picked up and used against them by their opponents.

    5. In the Star Wars universe, "Palpatine" means "Clinton."

    6. A Phantom Menace character's level of annoying goofiness is directly proportional to the number of action figures of said character Lucasfilms hopes to sell to small children.

    7. The Planet Naboo has underwater Rastafarians, but not underwater ganja.

    8. Darth Maul has a black robe, a black shirt, black more...

    Back in the days of old,
    Before condoms were invented,
    Knights wrapped socks
    Around their cocks,
    And babies were prevented.

    King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table, so he went to Merlin for some advice. After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful, and said that he'd see if he could come up with something, and asked him to come back in a week.
    A week later King Arthur was back in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt - except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. "This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed; "look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady the Queen?"
    "Ah, sire, just observe," said Merlin as he searched his cluttered work bench until he found what he was looking for. He then selected his most worn-out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it more...

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