Kleenex Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    What to Do With All Those "Free" Soaps When Travelling This is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned. Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you, S. Berman ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the more...

    DEMERIT POINT SYSTEM USED BY WOMEN
    (The code is finally broken - the demerit system is no longer a mystery!) For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance and relationship responsibilities, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects... Sorry, but that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system.
    SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed... 1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows... 0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets... -1 You leave the toilet seat up... -5 You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty... 0 When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex... -1 When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom.-2 You check out a suspicious noise at night... 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's more...

    DEMERIT POINT SYSTEM USED BY WOMEN(The code is finally broken - the demerit system is no longer a mystery!) For all you guys out there who just can't figure it out, here it is: In the world of romance and relationship responsibilities, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects... Sorry, but that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system.SIMPLE DUTIES You make the bed... 1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows... 0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets... -1 You leave the toilet seat up... -5 You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty... 0 When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex... -1 When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom.-2 You check out a suspicious noise at night... 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing... 0 You more...

    Fingernail Clippers:
    That's why we have teeth.
    Makeup That is Tattooed on:
    You might love that green eyeliner now, but what about when you're fifty?
    Colored Elastics For Braces:
    As if the braces didn't make your mouth stand out enough.
    Inflatable Furniture:
    Nothing boosts the ego more than sitting on a couch and popping it.
    Crayons That Smell:
    Oh, good, let's give kids another reason to eat them.
    Fake Eyelashes:
    You shouldn't be able to braid your eyelashes.
    The Epilady:
    Pulling hair out by the roots is masochistic.
    Those Crocheted Kleenex Box Covers:
    Kleenex does not get chilly.
    Rubber Clothing:
    Because you shouldn't bounce if you fall down the stairs.
    Doggie Sweaters:
    Fido is not Mr. Rogers, nor does he want to be Mr. Rogers.
    Thong underwear:
    Nothing leads to insanity faster than a perpetual wedgie.

    Fingernail Clippers:That's why we have teeth.Makeup That is Tattooed on:You might love that green eyeliner now, but what about when you're fifty? Colored Elastics For Braces:As if the braces didn't make your mouth stand out enough.Inflatable Furniture:Nothing boosts the ego more than sitting on a couch and popping it.Crayons That Smell:Oh, good, let's give kids another reason to eat them.Fake Eyelashes:You shouldn't be able to braid your eyelashes.The Epilady:Pulling hair out by the roots is masochistic.Those Crocheted Kleenex Box Covers:Kleenex does not get chilly.Rubber Clothing:Because you shouldn't bounce if you fall down the stairs.Doggie Sweaters:Fido is not Mr. Rogers, nor does he want to be Mr. Rogers.Thong underwear:Nothing leads to insanity faster than a perpetual wedgie.

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