Kindness Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Be Kind

    Hot 1 year ago

    Bumper sticker: BE KIND TO ANIMALS. HUG A HOCKEY PLAYER.

    An Irishman, with quite a pronounced limp, sits down at a bar and orders a whiskey. As he looks down at the end of the bar, he sees someone who resembles Jesus, so he asks the bartender, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender confirms that it is, so the Irishman tells him to give Jesus a whiskey, too.
    Next, a hunchbacked Italian enters the bar and orders a glass of wine. When he sees Jesus sitting down at the end of the bar, he asks the bartender to give a glass of wine to the son of God, too.
    Finally, a redneck swaggers in, dragging his knuckles on the floor, and hollers, "Barkeep, set me up a cold one. Hey, is that God's boy down there?" The bartender nods and the redneck tells him to give Jesus a cold one, too.
    As Jesus gets up to leave, he walks over to the Irishman, touches him, and says, "For your kindness, you are healed!" Feeling the strength return to his legs, the Irishman gets up and dances a jig out the door.
    Jesus then more...

    This will warm your heart, just when you have lost faith in human kindness....
    Dear Safety Harbor Middle School,
    God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said kiss my ass. Thank you for that opportunity.
    Sincerely,
    Edna Walters

    An old Irishman walks into a bar, hauls his bad leg over the stool, and asks for a whiskey. "Hey," he says, looking down the bar, "is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nods, so the Irishman orders Jesus one too.

    An ailing Italian with a humpback walks in, shuffles up to the bar, and asks for a glass of Chianti. Noticing Jesus, the Italian orders Him a glass of Chianti too.

    A redneck swaggers in and hollers, "Barkeep, set me up a cold one! Hey-is that God’s Boy down there?" The bartender nods, so the redneck orders Him a bottle of beer.

    As Jesus gets up to leave, He touches the Irishman and says, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman jumps up and dances a jig.

    Then Jesus touches the Italian and says, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Italian’s humpback straightens, and he does a flip.

    Just then the redneck yells, "Don’t touch me! I’m drawing more...

    IN his introduction to Fabulous Oriental Recipes, Johna Blinn lists the following:' Happy Home Recipe'
    4 cups Love
    2 cups Loyalty
    5 quarts Faith
    2 tablespoons Tenderness 1 cup Kindness
    5 cups Understanding
    3 cups Forgiveness 1 cup Friendship
    5 teaspoons Hope
    1 barrel Laughter
    Take Love and Loyalty; mix thoroughly with Faith. Blend with Tenderness, Kindness, Understanding and Forgiveness. Add Friendship and Hope; Sprinkle abundantly with Laughter. Bake with Sunshine. Serve with generous helpings.

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