Kick Jokes / Recent Jokes

Fighting In a Bar

Hot 6 years ago

A big, strong man walks in a bar, and looks for his usual seat. He finds that there is a little man already sitting there, so asks him to move.
The little man refuses to get up, so the muscular man punches him and says, "That was a punch from Korea." The little man gets up and sits down again, so the muscular man kicks him and says, "That was a kick from China." The little man gets up one more time and sits down again, so the muscular man spin kicks him and says, "That was a spin kick from Japan." The little guy gives up and leaves.
30 minutes later the, the little man comes back. He finds that the big man who had beat him up was still there. So he walks up to him and hits him hard in the head. The muscular man is knocked out in the floor, so the little man tells the bartender, "When he wakes up, tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."

Texas Chili Contest

Hot 7 years ago

Notes from an inexperienced chili tester named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the east coast:
Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The regular judge called in sick at the last minute and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the two other judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have all the free beer I wanted during the chili tasting, so I accepted.
Here are the scorecards from the event:
CHILI #1: MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI
Judge #1: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge #2: Nice, smooth flavor. Very mild.
Frank: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me 3 beers to put the flames out. I hope this is the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI #2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge #1: Smoky, with more...

Kick ashley ass

Hot 4 years ago

One day ashley was walking down the street she said I want to kick somebody ass. then someone said im going to stick my foot so far that you can smell it and she went home crying.

Chuck Norris Facts: 5

Hot 4 years ago

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?...All of it.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
A picture is worth a thousand more...

Chuck Norris kick

Hot 4 years ago

Chuck Norris is the only man who can kick your ass in the head!

Ducky..

Hot 1 year ago

A city boy went duck hunting in the country one day. While hunting
he shot a duck which fell on the property of a farmer. The boy crawled
over the fence to claim his kill. But, the farmer, seeing what had
happened rushed out with his shotgun and yelled, "See here! That duck
belongs too me!"
The city boy replies, "But I shot the duck, therefore it belongs to me!"
The farmer says, "It fell on my property so it belongs to me!" They
continue to argue, each claiming ownership of the duck. After awhile the
farmer says, "We should settle this the old-fashioned way."
The city boy asks, "What is the 'old-fashioned way'?"
The farmer explains, "First, I kick you in the groin. Then, you kick
me in the groin and we continue in this fashion until one of us gives up.
The one who wins gets the duck."
The city boy, willing to do anything to get his duck and leave, agrees
to the contest. more...

Kicks law ?

Hot 1 year ago

Santa was hunting in Bhatinda recently, when he attempted to cross a fence into a field to retrieve a pigeon he had shot. A farmer came and asked Santa what he was doing on his property.
"Retrieving this pigeon that I just shot", he replied.
"That pigeon is on my side of the fence, so now its mine," replied the farmer. Santa asked the farmer if he recognized who he was talking to.
"No", replied the farmer, "I don't know, and I don't care."
"I am Santa, a famous lawyer from Ludhiana", came the reply. And if you don't let me get that pigeon, I can sue you for your farm, your tractor, and everything else you own. I'll leave you penniless on the street."
"Well," said the farmer, "In Bhatinda the only law we go by is the kicks law."
"Never heard of it," said Santa.
The farmer said, "I get to kick you 3 times, and if you make it back to your feet and are able to kick me back more...