Judi Jokes / Recent Jokes

Judi was standing in front of an ice machine saying, "You are a dumb looking button. You don't have much of a future, either. People are going to be punching you all your life. Then you are going to be replaced by a much better looking button." I foolishly asked her what she was doing. Judi pointed to the notice on the front of the machine, which read, "Depress button for ice."

Judi went to a "Dude Ranch" on vacation. The cowboypreparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western orEnglish saddle.Judi asked what the difference was."Well, one has a horn and the other doesn't.""Just get the one without the horn. I don't thinkwe'll run into too much traffic out here."

The neighbor dropped in on Judi and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half empty cup of coffee; her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.

"What's wrong Judi?" she asked. Judi told her that she had "morning sickness."

Surprised, the neighbor said, "I didn't even know you were pregnant!"

"I'm not." the harried young woman replied. "I'm just sick of mornings."

Judi was sitting at the defendant table while the state trooper was being cross-examined on the witness stand. The lawyer asked, “When you stopped Judi, were your red and blue lights flashing?”“Yes, sir, they were.”“Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?”“Yes, sir, she did.”“And,” looking at Judi, "what was it she said?”“She said, ‘What disco am I at?’”

Judi was bored with driving her BMW. It laced individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible. That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong? At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her."That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. more...

Judi went to a "Dude Ranch" on vacation. The cowboy
preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or
English saddle.
Judi asked what the difference was.
"Well, one has a horn and the other doesn't."
"Just get the one without the horn. I don't think
we'll run into too much traffic out here."

Judi tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles.One day, she told her problem to a friend she worked with at a salon. Her friend told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal.""That doesn't matter," replied Judi, "if only I can sell the car.""Okay," said Judi's friend. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."The following weekend, Judi made the trip to the mechanic. Two weeks later the friend asked Judi, "Did you sell your car?""No," replied Judi, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!"