Joseph Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    St. Peter has a day-off from his duties at the gates to Heaven and Jesus is standing in for him. Whilst 'booking-in' the new arrivals Jesus notices an old man in the queue who seems familiar. When this man gets to the front of the queue Jesus asks him his name."Joseph" is the reply, which makes Jesus more inquisitive."Occupation?" is the next question, the reply being "Carpenter".Jesus is now getting quite excited.In quite a state Jesus asks "Did you have a little boy?", the answer is "yes"."Did he have holes in his wrists and ankles?" asks Jesus, "Yes" comes the reply. Jesus looks at the old man in front of him and with a tear in his eye shouts "FATHER, FATHER"?! The old man looks puzzled and after a moment replies... "Pinnochio?"

    "Conservatives are wasting their time, energy and votes if they stay in the Republican Party. No more than the Democrats do the Republicans honor the Constitution. They merely violate it at a slower pace.
    - Joseph Sobran

    "I have sinned," said Adam originally.
    "Have an apple," the serpent said fruitfully.
    "Come here, Abel," Cain said brotherly.
    "You snails almost didn't make it," Noah said wetly.
    "No spika de Inglish," they babbled at Babel confusedly.
    "Nonsense, I'll look behind me all I please," replied Lot's wife saltily.
    "Here's your pottage," Jacob said hairily.
    "My thigh is out of joint," Jacob said angelically.
    "I was the sun and you were the stars," Joseph said dreamily.
    "Hey, Fellas, look at my new coat," Joseph said colorfully.
    "I feel like traveling on, Madame Potiphar," Joseph said coatlessly.
    "Now we can open grain storage area #1," Joseph said leanly.
    "See how the reeds made him in just certain spots," Pharaoh's daughter said mosaically.
    "Tomorrow, we'll cross the Red Sea," Moses said more...

    Zikes! What a year! Joseph forgot to make reservations at the Bethlehem Inn (his carpentry projects aren't the only thing made out of wood!). So they stick us in this stable full of stale hay and stinking animals and guess what???
    I go right into labor. My OB doc said: "Make the trip."
    Anyway, we have a new baby boy that we think is truly special. But it's been a madhouse ever since!
    First, we couldn't agree on a name. Joe likes Emmanuel - I'm holding out for Jesus. In the middle of the argument all the animals in the stable start talking and taking sides!
    Next, all these shepherds stopped by to gawk (as if the smell wasn't bad enough). And, since this is Joseph's hometown, the whole mishpuka seemed to drop in.
    You wouldn't believe his weird "cousin" John! All the time he babbles about 'logos' and 'kerygma' and a whole bunch of stuff that's just plain Greek to me.
    Then there's a Stella, (or is it Quelle?) who keeps asking me to write down more...

    And Joseph went up from Galilee to Bethlehem with Mary, his espoused
    wife, who was great with child. And she brought forth a son and wrapped
    him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger because there was no
    room for them in the inn. And the angel of the Lord spoke to the shepherds
    and said, "I bring you tidings of great joy. Unto you is born a Savior,
    which is Christ the Lord."
    "There's a problem with the angel," said a Pharisee who happened to be
    strolling by. As he explained to Joseph, angels are widely regarded as
    religious symbols, and the stable was on public property where such symbols
    were not allowed to land or even hover.
    "And I have to tell you, this whole thing looks to me very much like a
    Nativity scene," he said sadly. "That's a no-no, too." Joseph had a bright
    idea. "What if I put a couple of reindeer over there near the ox and ass?"
    he said, eager to avoid more...

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