Joseph Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    St. Peter has a day-off from his duties at the gates to Heaven and Jesus is standing in for him. Whilst 'booking-in' the new arrivals Jesus notices an old man in the queue who seems familiar. When this man gets to the front of the queue Jesus asks him his name."Joseph" is the reply, which makes Jesus more inquisitive."Occupation?" is the next question, the reply being "Carpenter".Jesus is now getting quite excited.In quite a state Jesus asks "Did you have a little boy?", the answer is "yes"."Did he have holes in his wrists and ankles?" asks Jesus, "Yes" comes the reply. Jesus looks at the old man in front of him and with a tear in his eye shouts "FATHER, FATHER"?! The old man looks puzzled and after a moment replies... "Pinnochio?"

    Do you know what would have happened if it had been three Wise
    Women instead of three Wise Men?

    Women would say:

    They would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver
    the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and brought
    practical gifts.

    Here's Men's rebuttal.....

    Yeah, and do you know what they said would have said when they

    "Did you see the sandals Mary was wearing with that gown?"

    "That baby doesn't look anything like Joseph!"

    "Can you believe they let all of those disgusting animals in the

    "I heard that Joseph isn't even working right now!"

    "And that donkey that they are riding has seen better days too!"

    "Want to bet on how long it will take until you get your casserole
    dish back?"

    "Conservatives are wasting their time, energy and votes if they stay in the Republican Party. No more than the Democrats do the Republicans honor the Constitution. They merely violate it at a slower pace.
    - Joseph Sobran

    "I have sinned," said Adam originally.
    "Have an apple," the serpent said fruitfully.
    "Come here, Abel," Cain said brotherly.
    "You snails almost didn't make it," Noah said wetly.
    "No spika de Inglish," they babbled at Babel confusedly.
    "Nonsense, I'll look behind me all I please," replied Lot's wife saltily.
    "Here's your pottage," Jacob said hairily.
    "My thigh is out of joint," Jacob said angelically.
    "I was the sun and you were the stars," Joseph said dreamily.
    "Hey, Fellas, look at my new coat," Joseph said colorfully.
    "I feel like traveling on, Madame Potiphar," Joseph said coatlessly.
    "Now we can open grain storage area #1," Joseph said leanly.
    "See how the reeds made him in just certain spots," Pharaoh's daughter said mosaically.
    "Tomorrow, we'll cross the Red Sea," Moses said more...

    Zikes! What a year! Joseph forgot to make reservations at the Bethlehem Inn (his carpentry projects aren't the only thing made out of wood!). So they stick us in this stable full of stale hay and stinking animals and guess what???
    I go right into labor. My OB doc said: "Make the trip."
    Anyway, we have a new baby boy that we think is truly special. But it's been a madhouse ever since!
    First, we couldn't agree on a name. Joe likes Emmanuel - I'm holding out for Jesus. In the middle of the argument all the animals in the stable start talking and taking sides!
    Next, all these shepherds stopped by to gawk (as if the smell wasn't bad enough). And, since this is Joseph's hometown, the whole mishpuka seemed to drop in.
    You wouldn't believe his weird "cousin" John! All the time he babbles about 'logos' and 'kerygma' and a whole bunch of stuff that's just plain Greek to me.
    Then there's a Stella, (or is it Quelle?) who keeps asking me to write down more...

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