Jon Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Two lawyers, Jon and Chuck, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Chuck a bet. “Let's say we bet $50. ”
    Chuck agrees and they're off.
    After the 8th hole, Chuck is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. “Help me find my ball. Look over there, ” he said to Jon.
    After a few minutes, neither have any luck and a lost ball carries a four-point
    penalty, Chuck pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. “I've found my
    ball!!! ” he announces.
    Jon looks at him. “After all of the years we've been partners and playing together, you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks? ”
    “What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there! ”
    “And you're a liar, too! ” Jon said. “I’ll have you know I've been STANDING on
    your ball for the last five minutes! ”

    Jon bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that he cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our friend was stuck again.

    The neighbor suggested Jon notch the ear of one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart.

    The neighbor suggested he measure the horses for height. When he did, he was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.

    Jon was looking for a little "action." He picked up a sweet young thing at the bar and took her back to his hotel room.

    Little did he know she was darn near a nymphomaniac.

    After six times, she was screaming for more. After the *eighth* time, Jon told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of cigarettes.

    On the way out, he stopped in the men's room. He stood in front of the urinal, unzipped, and felt a moment of panic when he couldn't find "it."

    After a couple of minutes of "fishing around," he finally said, "Look, it's okay. She's not here!"

    Jon was looking for a little "action". He picked up a sweet young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know she was damn near a nymphomaniac. After six times she was screaming for more. After the *eighth* time Jon told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of cigarettes. On the way out he stopped in the men's room. He stood in front of the urinal, unzipped, and felt a moment of panic that he couldn't find "it". After a couple of minutes "fishing around" he finally said, "Look, it's ok. She's not here!"

    Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his
    regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement at short notice. The fellow
    arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking man named Jon. The President
    voiced his concerns to his chief of staff but was told that this was the best they
    could do at such short notice.
    Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his fingers in the soup
    to taste it and again he complained to the chief of staff about the cook, but he was
    told that this man was supposed to be a very good chef. The meal went okay but the
    President was sure that the soup tasted a little off, and by the time dessert came, he
    was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea.
    It was getting worse and worse till finally he had to excuse himself from the state
    dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the
    cook, Jon, scratching more...

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