Jolly Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Food and Drug Administration stated late Friday that the source of the E. coli outbreak has been identified as the Jolly Green Giant.
    Jolly, who was forced to stand up for years on end, while seeing his popularity fade, admitted responsibilty in a "sick" attempt to gain publicity and attention.

    All stations are to be on the lookout for the following
    individual(s) that are WANTED by an agency(ies) within the United
    States of America. The US State Department has expressed interest
    in extraditing the following individual(s) from anywhere in the
    world.

    NAME
    Kringle, Christopher Also Known As Santa, Jolly Old Man, Saint Nick

    RACE
    Unknown

    HEIGHT
    6' 0"

    WEIGHT
    320 lbs

    SCARS/TATTOOS
    Across both buttocks words Merry Christmas.

    LAST SEEN WEARING
    Red suit pants and Jacket with red thermal underwear. Red hat,
    with white tassel.

    KNOWN TO BE DRIVING
    1964 red convertible, with a nine Reindeer powered engine. Vehicle
    was displaying a red light on front, in violation of the State of
    Alaska Vehicle and Traffic law.

    WANTED FOR THE FOLLOWING CIMINAL VIOLATIONS
    Being Jolly in a No Jolly zone,
    Breaking and entering more...

    Q: Why is Santa always so jolly? A: Because he knows where all the bad girls live.

    Twas the "NET" before Christmas
    When all through our house,
    Not a creature was typing
    nor moving a mouse.
    Our Monitors hummed
    and were glowing within,
    In hopes that Saint Nicholas
    would soon "Modem" in.
    The teenagers were crashed
    in their messy bedrooms,
    and dreaming of boxes
    With games such as Doom.
    Mom back from aerobics
    and done kissing me,
    We just settled in for some
    much needed ZZZ's.
    When in the home office
    there arose such a din,
    I shot down the stairs,
    Had the fax just come in??
    Away to my keyboard
    I leaped to my chair,
    Typed in my password. ..
    But no Fax was there!!
    My screen came alive
    it was wildly aglow,
    The hard drive went crunching
    The "One and the "O."
    When what my bifocaled eyes
    should I see,
    But a Brand New Web Browser
    not AT&T.
    From server so rapid
    (not one on the more...

    I hate to go golfing with any of the executives from my own agency," complained the advertising prexy, while relaxing with his fourth Scotch and soda at the clubhouse bar. "Every time I yell' Fore' they chime in with-he's a jolly good fellow!"

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