Jersey Jokes

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    New Jersey Hunters

    Hot 2 years ago

    A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
    The hunters "A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: My friend is dead! What can I do? The operator, in a calm soothing voice says:

    In an interview with Italian newspaper Gazzetta dello Sport, soccer player Marco Materazzi revealed the circumstances surrounding the infamous head-butt at this year's World Cup.
    Apparently, after grabbing French player Zinedine Zidane's shirt, Zidane said to him, "If you want, I'll give you the jersey later." Materazzi then responded, "I would prefer your sister."
    Now, what's so bad about saying you find someone's sister preferable to a sweaty jersey? It would have been a lot worse if he said, "Better that jersey than your sister." Or, how about, "The only thing I want less than that smelly, dirty jersey is your sister. Matter of fact, you could line a hamster cage with that jersey, and it would still be better than your nasty sister. You could roll that thing in horse manure and, ref, time out, I'm on a roll, you could roll that shirt in horse manure..."

    In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.
    It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 am and after 4 pm in Norfolk, Virginia.
    Ducks quacking after 10 pm in Essex Falls, New Jersey are breaking the law.
    In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits.
    In McDonald, Ohio, farmers cannot march a goose down a city street. And fowl, particularly roosters, are prohibited from going into bakeries in Massachusetts.
    In Kansas, it is illegal for chicken thieves to work during daylight hours.
    In New York, frogs may be taken from their ponds from June 16 to September 30, but only between sunrise and sunset.
    In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs on a Sunday.
    In Arizona, the bullfrog-hunting season is permanently closed.
    In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a public park without the permission of a selectman.
    French Lick Springs, more...

    Huge criminal record

    Hot 3 years ago

    The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.February 10, 1993Dennis Payne, 30, was arrested as a pickpocket at a Jersey City, N.J., train station, his 135th arrest in New Jersey and New York City since 1978. Police said it took a computer more than a half-hour to print out Payne's arrest record.

    A blonde was at an airport. She was excited, as this would be her very first time riding in a plane; she was flying to see her relatives, so she was at the airport, when she realized she had to buy a ticket.
    So she goes up to the counter where they are selling tickets. She says to the clerk, "Yes, I'd like 1 ticket to New Jersey, please."
    The clerk looks at her and says, "One-way, or round trip?"
    The blonde replies, "One way."
    So she buys her ticket, and hurries off. A little later, though, she comes right back to the same clerk. She says, "Yes, I'd like 1 ticket to New Jersey, one way, please."
    The clerk looks at her strangely, but still hands her another ticket.
    She hurries off, and yet again comes back to the desk to buy another ticket.
    "Yes, I'd li-"
    She was interrupted by the clerk, who was obviously fed up by now. She yelled at the blonde, "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? YOU KEEP COMING BACK FOR MORE more...

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