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Tarzan's Way

Hot 3 years ago

Jane met Tarzan in the jungle and found she was very attracted to him. While asking him questions about his life, she asked how he managed for sex.
"What's sex?" asked a confused Tarzan.
She explained to him what sex was and he replied, "Tarzan use hole in tree trunk."
Horrified, Jane said, "No, Tarzan, you have it all wrong. I'll show you how to do it the proper way." She then removed all her clothes, laid on the ground and spread her legs.
Pointing to her privates, she said, "Here, Tarzan. You must put it here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, moved closer to her and gave her a tremendous kick in the crotch.
Jane rolled around in agony and gasped, "What the hell was that for?"
"Tarzan always check for bees!" he replied.

A new primary school teacher, starting her first day of class, began by asking her students to stand up and introduce themselves.
The first child stood up and said, "My name is Jane Lawrence." "Hello, Jane," the teacher said.
The second student stood and said, "My name is Jason Wright." Hello, Jason," said the teacher.
The third student stood and said, "My name is Johnny Fuckhour."
Horrified, the teacher told Johnny that she would not tolerate that type of language. "Really, teacher, my name is Johnny Fuckhour," Johnny explained. "If you don't believe me, check up in the fourth grade where my brother is."
The teacher went up to the fourth grade and asked, "Do you have a Fuckhour in here."
A boy at the back of the class stood up and said, "Are you kidding? Hell, we don't even get a nap hour."

After working together for a while, Dick and Jane's office romance blossomed, and they really developed the 'hots' for each other. One day, they seize the opportunity to sneak into a supply closet to consummate their lust.
Dick finds Jane very 'tight', and difficult to 'enter', but finally succeeds.
When they are finished, Dick says to her, "If I had known you were a virgin, I would have taken more time!"
To which Jane replies "If I'd have known you had more time, I would have taken off my pantyhose!"

After working together for a while, Dick and Jane's office romance blossomed, and they really developed the hots for each other. One day, they seize the opportunity to sneak into a supply closet to consummate their lust. Dick finds Jane very tight, and difficult to enter, but finally succeeds. When they are finished, Dick says to her, "If I had known you were a virgin, I would have taken more time!" To which Jane replies "If I'd known you had more time, I would have taken off my pantyhose!"

Baked Beans
One of the matrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck, and her son, Little Johnny, came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other.
He tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot of beans. Thinking it over, Little Johnny could think of no reason why he should risk punishment, so he said nothing.
The dinner went well, and, as usual, the beans were one of the favorite dishes. The next day, the church secretary, Mary, called Little Johnny's mother and said, "Jane, your beans were delicious as usual, but what did you put in them this time?"
Jane replied, "Nothing new, why do you ask?"
"Well," said Mary, "this morning I bent over to feed the cat and shot the canary."

Her version: 'Oh did I mention or did I not? Well doesn't
matter now, I already started talking. Jane came over, while I was having a cup of coffee. I didn't even sugar the coffee. By the way did you notice that I lost 10 pounds? No, you didn't notice, you never notice. Anyway she came over and wore an ARTIFICIAL wig. I mean isn't that awful? An ARTIFICIAL wig? I mean her husband could buy a real one with his money, but I didn't say anything, it's none of my business. I asked her how much weight she lost and she said she lost 20 pounds. Yea, right like I can see, I have eyes you know. Oh did I say why I asked her that? Because we follow the same diet, and you don't know that. Well anyway we sat down and had a cup of coffee. His version: Jane came over for a cup of coffee.

Here's a list of some cute letters kids have written to God:
Dear GOD: Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have? - Jane
Dear GOD: Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. - Larry
Dear GOD: If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes. - Mickey
Dear GOD: I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. - Nan
Dear GOD: In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? - Jane
Dear GOD: I read the Bible. What does "beget" mean? Nobody will tell me. - Love, Alison
Dear GOD: Are You really invisible or is it just a trick? - Lucy
Dear GOD: Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? Anita
Dear GOD: Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it more...