Jail Jokes / Recent Jokes

Question: What is the difference between a politician and a dacoit?
Answer: A dacoit robs first and then goes to jail; a politician goes to jail first and then commits robbery.

Where is a tornado put in jail to be punished?-In a high pressure cell

Three officials in the erstwhile Soviet Union
found themselves in jail. A press reporter was
allowed to interview them. He asked the first
man,' Why were you sent to prison?'
'I was late coming to the office, so the boss
ordered me to be sent to jail.'
When asked the same question, the second person
replied,' I went to the office before the scheduled
time. The boss thought I was spying for a foreign
country, so he had me locked up.'
The third prisoner, on having the question
repeated, replied,' I arrived at the office on the
dot. The boss ordered my arrest on the grounds
that if 1 was punctual to the minute, I must own
an imported and not a Russian watch.'

A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.It's illegal to mispronounce the name of the state of Arkansas. Arkansas must be pronounced "Arkansaw" Oral sex is considered to be sodomy. Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.The Arkansas legislature passed a law that states that the Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock. A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise. A voter is only allowed five minutes to mark his ballot. Flirtation between the members of the opposite sex on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.At Arkansas State University two people cannot hold hands while standing in a doorway unless they belong to a union. In Arkansas it is illegal to buy or sell blue lightbulbs.An Arkansas legislator not long ago proposed that the state provide growth hormones to dwarfs. Fayetteville: It is illegal to kill "any living creature". Little Rock: Dogs more...

Objective: To obtain a challenging position as a Crime Implementation Analyst (CIA)

Education:

* B. S. (Crime Technology) Tihar Jail, India, August 1994
* M. S. (Criminal Sciences) Virginia Prison for International Smugglers and the Unlawful Activists(VPISUA), August 1996.

Thesis:

"On escaping from high security prisons like Alcatraz with minimal efforts"

Coursework:

Cop Psychology, Plastic Explosives Technology, Bomb Controls and Timer Device Theory, International Smuggling and Drug Trafficking, Object Oriented Crime Design

Work Experience:

* Research Assistant, LTTE Labs, Jaffna, Aug 1990-Aug 1991
* Worked on the prestigious Belt Bomb project
* Developed instant death cyanide capsules in orange, strawberry and mint flavors (Patent# 007, 13, 666)

Summer Internship:

Dawood Ibrahim and Haji Mastan Associates, Bombay, June1987-July1990

* more...

A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail when they decided to break out. The girls broke out and the brunette said,

"Let's hide in that barn, they'll never find us."

So they climed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down.

The next morning, the cops said, "Come out with your hands in the air!"

The red-head said, "Hide in those baskets, they'll never find us!"

So the Brunette got in the first one, the red-head got in the second one and the blonde got in the third one. Meanwhile, the cops were getting a ladder set up and trying to get up there. Once they got up, the seargent ordered them to kick the baskets.

So the cop kicked the first one: "RUFF."
"It's just a damn dog!" yelled the cop.
The cop kicked the next one: "MEOW."
"It's just a damn cat," yelled the cop.
The cop kicked the next basket and the blonde yelled, more...

A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When finally his work was done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground.
"I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted.
"So what," said a little girl. "I'm four."