Issues Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A fathers rules to dating;
    Rule One - If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
    Rule Two - You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
    Rule Three - I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and more...

    A few years ago Charlie brown and the peanuts gang made a new friend who developed leukemia in an animated special entitled, "why me, Charlie Brown?"
    Recently MetLife put out a series of instructional pamphlets which feature the gang dealing contemporary problems.
    Now that Charlie Brown is dealing with important issues how about Peanuts specials for kids of the 90:
    We learn about VD in:
    "IT BURNS WHEN I PEE, CHARLIE BROWN"
    Chuck & the little red-headed girl learn about unwanted pregnancy in:
    "ITS BLUE, CHARLIE BROWN!"
    Is Linus gay?
    "ITS A DIFFERENT KIND OF LOVE, CHARLIE BROWN"
    See how the Peanuts Gang deals with date rape in:
    "NO MEANS NO CHARLIE BROWN!"
    Discover a father's forbidden love in:
    "ITS OUR LITTLE SECRET CHARLIE BROWN"
    Franklin speaks! The Peanuts gang gets a lesson in Ebonics in:
    "IMO BUSTA CAP INYO ASS, CHARLIE BROWN"
    What goes on the more...

    How to manage them so you can read this site at work.
    When told to do something that can't be done... argue a bit, then go play solitaire for awhile. After about 2 or 3 hours, come back and say "I tried... sorry, it can't be done." Usually this will satisfy their insistence on their ideas at least be tried.
    Don't provide solutions, just more and more issues and questions.
    Do EXACTLY what they tell you. This works well for bosses who have no idea what's going on and only use vague statements. You can't get in trouble for doing what they say...
    Make references to the nice weather and how you should would like to be out there golfing. Eventually they will grow tired of hearing you and go play golf.
    When your boss comes near you, start to sniffle or cough... and be sure to warn them that you 'might be getting that nasty cold that so and so has had for the last month.' I have found that this quickly sends bosses hiding for cover in their office.
    Send more...

    Rule One
    If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
    Rule Two
    You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
    Rule Three
    I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise:
    You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers more...

    Rule One:
    If you pull into my driveway and honk you"d better be delivering a package, because you"re sure not picking anything up.
    Rule Two:
    You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter"s body, I will remove them.
    Rule Three:
    I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don"t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, infact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten more...

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