Investigator Jokes

Down around the Texas-Louisiana border, there has been a recent rash of illegal cock fighting, with quite a bit of gambling. The director of the Louisiana State Police finally bent to public pressure and sent an investigator to get to the bottom of the problem.
The crack investigator, Boudreaux, took an unmarked cruiser and headed for Mamou. He was gone for two days and arrived back in Baton Rouge to report to the director.
He reported that there were three major groups involved in the illegal cock fighting - Texas Aggies, Cajuns and the Mafia.
Of course, the boss wanted to know how he surmised this, and he replied that he knew there were Texas Aggies involved when he saw someone enter a duck into the fight.
He knew that there were Cajuns involved when someone bet on the duck.
He then stated that he was absolutely positive that the Mafia was involved when the duck won!

SAN DIEGO (AP) - For four decades, a Carlsbad man used fake resumes, degrees and identities to secure a wife, money and several jobs, including one as a fire chief and an accident investigator.
But Robert Fay Garcia's secrets are finally out. He was sentenced Thursday in San Diego federal court to 18 months in prison and ordered to pay $56,900 in restitution for collecting Social Security benefits using three identities.
He obtained one alias by claiming he was homeless, even though he lived in a mobile home, officials said.
Throughout his life, 70-year-old Garcia has used at least 38 names, posed as a retired Marine colonel and a former prisoner of war in Korea, said Jim Rogers, a special agent with the Office of Inspector General for the Social Security Administration.
"And those are the identities we know about," Rogers said. "He was never really who he said he was."
Garcia's first conviction involving an alias was in 1958 for forgery. In the more...

A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all the mess has been cleared up, and inquiry begins.
One of the few survivors is asked to make a statement. "Okay, Phillips," says the investigator, "you were near the scene - what happened?"
"Well, it's like this. Old Fred Wilson was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up."
"He was smoking in the mixing room?" the investigator said in stunned horror, "How long had he been with the company?"
"About 20 years, sir."
"20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room! I'd have thought it would have been the last thing he'd have done."
"It was, sir."

This is a true incident that happened to my cousin, Steve.
Steve is an avid golfer. Goes to tournaments, golfs every weekend, LIVES
for golf. Normally plays very well. However, Steve tells of one game,
about half way through, when his score went right down the toilet. He
was playing pretty good until...
Steve had recently moved from out-of-state to Boise, Idaho. One weekend as
he played a round of golf on one of the more popular courses in town, he
caught up with two other golfers on the course. Steve asked if they would
mind if he "played through" and got ahead of them. The older man, seeing that
Steve was by himself, invited Steve to join them and play as a group. Steve
thought that that would be all right, introduced himself, "Hello, I'm Steve
Welker," and offered his hand.
The older gentleman shook it and said, "Hello, Steve. I'm John Evans and
this is my son," and he introduced the younger man with more...

Tiger Woods' wife has hired a private investigator to examine the extent of his wealth. If she wanted something probed she should have just hired Tiger Woods.