Intruder Jokes

There was a married couple sleeping and an intruder entered into their house. The intruder put a knife to the neck of the woman and said, "I like to know the names of my victims before I kill them. What is your name?"

"My name is Elizabeth," the woman replied.

The intruder said, "You remind me of my mother who was also named Elizabeth, so I can't kill you."

The intruder then turned to the husband and asked, "What is your name?"

"My name's Mario, but my friends call me Elizabeth."

When she returned home from an evening church service, an elderly woman was startled by an intruder.
Catching the intruder in the act of robbing her home of her possessions, she yelled out, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (..Repent and be baptised..)
He stopped dead in his tracks, at which time the woman calmly called the police and advised them of the situation.
An officer immediately arrived at her home, cuffed the burglar and asked, "Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was yell a Bible Scripture at you."
"Bible Scripture?" the burglar replied. "Hell, I thought she said she had an axe and two 38's!"

Santa and his wife, Jeeto had just gone to bed for the night. Just as Santa was about to fall asleep, his wife shook him and said, "I hear someone breaking in."
At least two nights a week for twenty years Santa had gone through this. He knew that the only way he would get any rest was to go and check it out. So this time also he went out for a routine check.
When Santa entered the den he was suprised by an intruder. The man held a gun on him and continued to rob the house. As the theif was about to leave our Santa said, "You have to go and meet my wife, Jeeto."
The thief said, " Why on earth would you want me to meet your wife?"
Santa replied, "Well, she's been expecting you for 20 years."

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (..turn from your sin...) The burglar stopped dead in his tracks.
The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar, "She said she had an AXE and two 38's!"

There was a married couple sleeping and an intruder entered into their house. The intruder put a knife to the neck of the woman and said, "I like to know the names of my victims before I kill them, what is your name?"
"My name is Elizabeth," the woman replied.
The intruder said, "You remind me of my mother who was also named Elizabeth, so I can't kill you."
The intruder then turned to the husband and asked, "What is your name?"
"My name's Phillip, but my friends call me Elizabeth."