Instruction Jokes / Recent Jokes

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as
possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's' just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive more...

These are actual instruction labels on
consumer goods:
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's' just' a suggestion!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)
(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the more...

Hi everyone.... If u have a cell phone, Recharge ur phone every month freely by following this process Please follow the instruction & you can recharge your SIM card absolutely free. Yes it is possible, see how technology can be used to make technicians fool. I just got a mail from a friend of mine, whose friend is B. Tech.(ETC) from IIT Powai, teaching me how to reload my hand set every month for free. Engineered by a group of rebel programmers. I am going to share this to all of you. Please follow the instructions as stated below before you start it: Applicable for ORANGE (HUTCH), AIRTEL, SPICE & BSNL users only, sorry for idea, BPL and Reliance users and it is done illegally of course. But there are many things that are illegal in this world. But then who cares. Don't worry nobody can trap you. No legal action can be taken on you for this. So go ahead without worrying. You can only do this every 24th & 25th of the month as the network system is under upgrade. 1.) ** Dial " more...

This Flight instruction and her student were hold on the runway, awaiting clearance for take off from the tower, when suddenly, a deer darts out of the nearby wood, and stops right in the middle of the runway.
The student asks the instructor, what should he do? The Instruction replies, "What do you think you should?"
"Maybe I should taxi toward the deer?"
The instructor replies "Thats a good idea!"
Tower: "Cessna 100 clear for take-off" (taxis toward the deer, but the deer just stands there, holding postion)
The student repeats his question, and gets reply this time suggestion he contact the tower: "Tower, Cessna 100. There a deer here on the runway!"
Tower: "Roger 100, hold postion, Deer on Runway 50, cleared for immediate takeoff."
Two seconds later then deer takes off (back toward the woods).
Tower: "Cessna 100 cleared for take-off runway 50, caution wake tuburlece, departing deer!"

WOMEN'S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them. If they can put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there. Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse. Never let your man's mind wander - its too little to be left out alone. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway. Never marry a man for money. You'll have to earn every penny. Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him check books. A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh all right, I'll more...

The following is the list of some new viruses going round in India.
Better beware of them.

P. V. Narasimha Rao Virus:
First of all, this virus reduces the CPU speed to 66Hz. Before
executing any instruction, it deleberates over it a number of times
and finally does nothing.

V. P. Singh Virus:
This virus reserves a quota for each instruction, and executes them
only according to the quota. Needless to say, the least used
instructions have a higher quota than the more used instructions.
This virus is also known as social justice virus.

Sukh Ram Virus:
This virus first swallows 10% of the bits in each instruction and
then executes them.

Maneka Gandhi Virus:
This is a green virus. It executes only those programmes that were
written by vegetarians or animals.

L. K. Advani Virus:
This virus pops up every now and then, and the only way you can
continue working is by more...

Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one instruction - from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.