Instruction Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    There's a Space Shuttle mission to the moon with 2 monkeys and a woman on board.

    The headquarters in the US calls:"Monkey #1, Monkey #1 report to comms for instructions."
    He sits down and he is told to release the pressure in compartment 1, increase the temperature in engine 4 and to release oxygen to the reactors. So the monkey does the pressure, temperature, and releases the oxygen.

    A few moments later headquarters calls again: "Monkey #2, Monkey #2 report to comms for instructions."
    He sits down and he is told to add Carbon Dioxide to room 4, to stop the fuel injection to engine 3, to add nitrogen to the fuel compartment and to analyze the solar radiation.
    So the monkey does the carbon dioxide, the fuel injection, the nitrogen and the analysis of solar radiation.

    A little later on, headquarters calls again: "Woman, woman please report to comms for instructions."
    She sits down and just as she is about to more...

    Teacher Arrested

    Hot 1 year ago

    News Release: Teacher Arrested


    At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement.

    He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

    "Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value.

    They use secret code names like' x'and' y' and refer to themselves as' unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say,' there are 3 sides to every more...

    About this time last year, I was sitting in my dentist's office waiting to have a root canal done, when I noticed a flyer (advertisement) for a "personal dental drill". After some interesting images went through my head, I asked the receptionist if they really sold these things and she said yes.
    Well, it was three days before Christmas and I hadn't gotten the secretary in the office (Vivian) a present yet, so I bought one.
    When I got home, I realized that there was no literature in the little package - no warranty card, no instruction, no nothing - so I wrote some. Below is the promotional flyer that came with Vivian's.
    Thank you for purchasing the "digger" personal dental drill from ACME Corp., makers of do it yourself dental devices since 1939.
    We hope you will get years of satisfaction from your new drill. The enclosed instruction manual provides step by step instructions for performing a variety of dental procedures from simple cavaties to root more...

    Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one instruction - from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.

    Instruction Booklet Governing Principle: Instruction booklets are lost by the Goods Delivery Service. If not, they are listed in four languages: Japanese, Thai, Swahili, and Mongol.

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