Inoperative Jokes

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    ' 'Squawks'' are problems noted by U.S. Air Force pilots and left for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints logged by those Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. (P) = Problem, (S) = Solution

    ----------------------------------------------------------

    (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    (P) Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
    (S) Auto land not installed on this aircraft.

    (P) # 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
    (S) # 2 propeller seepage normal - # 1, # 3, and # 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

    (P) Something loose in cockpit.
    (S) Something tightened in cockpit.

    (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    (S) Evidence removed.

    (P) DME volume unbelievably loud.
    (S) Volume set to more believable level.

    (P) Dead bugs on more...

    … Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. “Squawks” are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.
    Problem: ”DME volume unbelievably loud. ”
    Solution: ”Volume set to more believable level. ”
    Problem: ”Dead bugs on windshield. ”
    Solution: ”Live bugs on order. ”
    Problem: “Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200fpm descent. ”
    Solution: ”Cannot reproduce problem on ground. ”
    Problem: ”IFF inoperative. ”
    Solution: ”IFF inoperative in OFF mode. ”
    Problem: ”Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. ”
    Solution: ”That’s what they’re there for. ”
    Problem: ”Number three engine missing. ”
    Solution: ”Engine found on right wing after brief search. ”

    "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
    (P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION
    (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
    (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
    (P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
    (S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft
    (P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
    (S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage
    (P) Something loose in cockpit
    (S) Something tightened in cockpit
    (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
    (S) Evidence removed
    (P) DME volume unbelievably loud
    (S) Volume set to more believable level
    (P) Dead bugs on windshield
    (S) Live bugs on order
    (P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
    (S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground
    (P) more...

    "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. (P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire (P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough (S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft (P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid (S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage (P) Something loose in cockpit (S) Something tightened in cockpit (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear (S) Evidence removed (P) DME volume unbelievably loud (S) Volume set to more believable level (P) Dead bugs on windshield (S) Live bugs on order (P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent (S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground (P) IFF inoperative (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (IFF-Identification Friend or Foe) more...

    "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
    (P) = Problem (S) = Solution
    (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
    (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
    (P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
    (S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft
    (P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
    (S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage
    (P) Something loose in cockpit
    (S) Something tightened in cockpit
    (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
    (S) Evidence removed
    (P) DME volume unbelievably loud
    (S) Volume set to more believable level
    (P) Dead bugs on windshield
    (S) Live bugs on order
    (P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
    (S) Cannot reproduce problem on more...

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