Infinite Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Switch

    Hot 6 years ago

    A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies."
    Now God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
    The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, pay the bills and balance the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
    Then it was already 1 p.m. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to more...

    Three choices

    Hot 6 years ago

    An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.
    Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
    "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
    Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.
    One of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
    The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."

    30> Given an infinite number of geeks in an infinite number of "Star Trek" conventions, would there be at least one with a life?

    29> Why is Pauly Shore so successful, while a deserving and talented actor like Tom Arnold is still struggling?

    28> Ask not for whom the bell tolls. Ask why Bell charges so much for toll calls.

    27> Can God make Marlon Brando so big that even He can't move him?

    26> If you could go back in time, would you give Hitler a wedgie?

    25> The sky's just BLUE, dammit! Get over it!

    24> If you sell a video explaining how you didn't kill your ex-wife and her male friend and no one buys it, does it make a sound?

    23> What will I have for lunch today -- chicken salad or egg salad?

    22> How much cheese could Chuck E. Cheese chuck if Chuck E. Cheese could chuck cheese?

    21> Yeah, where the hell *is* Waldo?

    20> If a monk, living in a monastery, takes a vow of more...

    A very large mathematical convention was held in Las Vegas. The conventioneers filled two hotels, each with an infinite number of rooms. The hotels were across the street from each other and were owned by brothers. One evening, while everyone was out at a bar-b-que, one of the hotels burned to the ground. The brothers got together and worked out a plan. In the remaining hotel, they moved all guests to twice their room number - room 101 moved to 202, room 1234 moved to room 2468, etc. Then all the odd number rooms were empty, and there were an infinite number of odd rooms. So the guests from the other hotel moved into them

    A very large mathematical convention was held in Las Vegas. The conventioneers filled two hotels, each with an infinite number of rooms. The hotels were across the street from each other and were owned by brothers. One evening, while everyone was out at a bar-b-que, one of the hotels burned to the ground. The brothers got together and worked out a plan. In the remaining hotel, they moved all guests to twice their room number - room 101 moved to 202, room 1234 moved to room 2468, etc. Then all the odd number rooms were empty, and there were an infinite number of odd rooms. So the guests from the other hotel moved into them.

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