Industry Jokes / Recent Jokes

* Note: I am unsure whether this is true, but it is still funny.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr Welch himself):
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to more...

Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side. PLATO: For the greater good of man. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads. KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability. TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take. SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. RONALD REAGAN: I forget. CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas. ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using more...

PCMCIA - People Can`t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms. IBM - I Blame Microsoft. ISDN - It Still Does Nothing. MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers. RAM - Rarely Adequate Memory ROM - Really Old Machine APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity. SCSI - System Can`t See It. PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics. LISP - Lots of Infuriating Silly Parenthesis. DOS - Defunct Operating System.

" The first one is free" "Download a free trial version". Have important South-Asia connections (to help move the stuff) Have important South-Asia connections (to help debug the code). Strange jargon: " Stick", " Rock", " Dime bag", " E" Strange jargon: " TCP/IP", " XML", " Java", " SQL". Realize that there's a ton of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market Realize that there's a ton of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market. Job is assisted by industry's producing newer, more potent mixes Job is assisted by industry's producing newer, faster machines. Often seen in the company of pimps and hustlers Often seen in the company of marketing people and venture capitalists Their products cause unhealthy addictions. DOOM. Quake. SimCity. Duke Nukem 3D.; Enough said. Do your job well and you can sleep with sexy movie stars who depend on you Damn! Damn! DAMN!

Computer Acronyms and what they really mean: PCMCIA -- People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN -- It Still Does Nothing
APPLE -- Arrogance Produces Profit Losing Entity
SCSI -- System Can't See It
DOS -- Defective Operating System
BASIC -- Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM -- I Blame Microsoft (or conversely' I Build Macs')
DEC -- Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM -- Consumer Device-Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2 -- Obsolete Soon Too
WWW -- World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH-- Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM -- Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathmatics
COBOL -- Completely Obsolete Buisiness Oriented Language
AMIGA -- A Merely Insignificant Gamers Addiction
LISP -- Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
MIPS -- Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS -- Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT-- more...

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"Hello, I'm Mike Walrus, and this is 60 Seconds"

"We're here in Hong Kong to bring you a story that may shock and horrify some viewers. This city is a beehive of industry and activity, a monument to free enterprise and commerce, but behind these shops and warehouses, hidden from public view, is the sordid story of a condiment gone terribly wrong.

"I'm talking about duck sauce. You've probably seen or tried it before, those little orange packets tossed in with your Chinese take-out meals. But look closely at them...those little floating bits aren't apricot...they're real duck.

"Yes, it's a tragic tale of waterfowl laid waste, an underground industry that reaps millions of export dollars and is depleting the duck population all around the South China Sea.

"We tracked several shipments of duck sauce to a clandestine factory here, operating under the name more...

At a recent Computer Expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up
with technology like the computer industry has, we would be driving
twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating:

If GM had developed technology like Mircrosoft, we would all be driving
cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to
buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and
you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause
your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would
have to re-install the engine.
5. more...