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    Five Bad Questions

    Hot 6 years ago

    There are five things that women should never, ever ask a guy, according to an article in an issue of Sassy magazine. The five questions are:
    1 - "What are you thinking?"
    2 - "Do you love me?"
    3 - "Do I look fat?"
    4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
    5 - "What would you do if I died?"
    What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:
    1 - "What are you thinking?" The proper answer to this question, of course is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five more...

    Never write a line of code that someone else can understand.
    Make the simplest line of code appear complex. Use long
    counter intuitive names. Don't ever code "a=b", rather do something
    like:
    AlphaNodeSemaphore=*(int)(&(unsigned long)(BetaFrameNodeFarm));
    Type fast, think slow.
    Never use direct references to anything ever. Bury everything in
    macros. Bury the macros in include files. Reference those include
    files indirectly from other include files. Use macros to reference
    those include files.
    Never include a comment that will help someone else understand your
    code. If they understand it, they don't need you.
    Never generate new sources. Always ifdef the old ones. Every binary
    in the world should be generated from the same sources.
    Never archive all the sources necessary to build a binary. Always
    hide on your own disk. If they can build your binary, they don't
    need you.
    Never code a function to return a value. more...

    MEMO TO ALL EMS PERSONNEL
    To: All EMS Personnel
    From: Chief of Operations
    Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions
    It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.
    Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).
    Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots". Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP (Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.
    Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to sh*t), FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper". Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal more...

    (LA, California) Mattel announces their new line of Barbie products, the "Hacker Barbie." These new dolls will be released next month. The aim of these dolls is to negate the stereotype that women are numerophobic, computer-illiterate, and academically challenged.
    This new line of Barbie dolls comes equipped with Barbie's very own X-terminal and UNIX documentation as well as ORA's "In a Nutshell" series. The Barbie clothing includes a dirty button-up shirt and a pair of well-worn jeans. Accessories include a Casio all-purpose watch, and glasses with lenses thick enough to set ants on fire. (Pocket protectors and HP calculators optional.)
    The new Barbie has the incredible ability to stare at the screen without blinking her eyes and to go without eating or drinking for 16 hours straight. Her vocabulary mainly consists of technical terms such as "What's you're Internet address?", "I like TCP/IP!", "Bummer! Your kernel must have more...

    (LA, California) Mattel announces their new line of Barbie products, the
    "Hacker Barbie." These new dolls will be released next month. The aim
    of these dolls is to negate the stereotype that women are numerophobic,
    computer-illiterate, and academically challenged.
    This new line of Barbie dolls comes equipped with Barbie's very own
    X-terminal and UNIX documentation as well as ORA's "In a Nutshell"
    series. The Barbie clothing includes a dirty button-up shirt and a pair
    of well-worn jeans. Accessories include a Casio all-purpose watch, and
    glasses with lenses thick enough to set ants on fire. (Pocket protectors
    and HP calculators optional.)
    The new Barbie has the incredible ability to stare at the screen
    without blinking her eyes and to go without eating or drinking for 16
    hours straight. Her vocabulary mainly consists of technical terms such as
    "What's your Internet address?", "I like more...

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