Inappropriate Jokes

Clinton said that his relationship with Monica was inappropriate, in fact
it was wrong.
What's the difference between inappropriate and wrong. Well,
inappropriate is like wearing black shoes with brown pants. Wrong is
wearing black shoes and no pants.

Washington Post - Invitational Challenge was to come up with terribly inappropriate Christmas gift ideas.
Honorable Mentions:
Supersoaker 9000:For use on those hard to reach targets; NFL referees, low flying planes, and many more. At close range it can strip paint clean rusty grills, and dig utility trenches.
The Laff-O-Minit Jajic Spellin' Tootor Doggie Dentist:Kids learn about dentistry on the family pooch.
Cuisin-Art:Turns mommy's food processor into a spinning paint tool.
Water Retention Wanda:Teaches kids the principles of the calendar.
Advanced Play Medical Kit:Includes colonoscope and speculum.
Chocolate:Covered lead soldiers.
Bungeroo:Kid sized bungee kit for second story bedrooms.
Islamic Strip Poker:Lose a hand, lose a hand.
And the winners are:
4th Runner Up:Li'l Naturalist Hornet Farm
3rd Runner Up:A Pee Wee Herman pull toy
2nd Runner Up:The Duncan Yo - Goes down, never comes back. Teaches children about more...

A group of nuns were traveling in a car when it had a flat tire. They got out and attempted to change it, but being rather unworldly, they had no idea how to go about it. Fortunately, a truck came along and the driver offered to change it for them. They gratefully accepted.
As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from the jack. "Son-of-a-bitch!" he screamed.
"Sir, that is inappropriate language," the eldest nun said. "We understand you're upset, but must you use such language?"
"My apologies, Sister," he replied, and tried again. It slipped again and nearly smashed his fingers. "Son-of-a-bitch!" he screamed.
"Please, sir, we would ask you again to not use such language," the nun scolded. "If changing our tire is causing you to do so, perhaps it would be best if you didn't help us."
"I'm sorry, Sister, but I get so upset that it just comes out," the trucker more...

Invitational Challenge, come up with terribly inappropriate
Christmas gift ideas.

Honorable Mentions
Supersoaker 9000
For use on those hard to reach targets; NFL referees, low flying
planes, and many more. At close range it can strip paint clean
rusty grills, and dig utility trenches.
The Laff-O-Minit Jajic Spellin' Tootor Doggie Dentist
Kids learn about dentistry on the family pooch.
Cuisin-Art
Turns mommy's food processor into a spinning paint tool.
Water Retention Wanda
Teaches kids the principles of the calendar.
Advanced Play Medical Kit
Includes colonoscope and speculum.
Chocolate Covered lead soldiers.
Bungeroo
Kid sized bungee kit for second story bedrooms.
Islamic Strip Poker
Lose a hand, lose a hand.

And the winners are
4th Runner Up
Li'l Naturalist Hornet Farm
3rd Runner Up
A Pee Wee Herman pull toy
2nd Runner Up
The Duncan Yo -- Goes more...

Definitions for assistant professors:
Academic Freedom:
being free to work any sixty hours of the week one likes.
Weekend:
those days on which one need neither dress well nor wash one's hair before coming to work.
Faculty Lounge:
one's office floor at 2:00 am.
Grade:
Your evaluation of a student's performance, based on your experience as a professional educator. You are allowed only to issue a single capital letter as your evalution. You must sign the submission of the grade, but it is a private record that you cannot disseminate. The student has recourse to several levels of appeal, as well as to legal action, if he or she feels the grade is inappropriate.
Student Teaching Evaluation:
A student's evaluation of your performance, based on his or her experience as a nineteen-year-old. The student can write whatever he or she likes. The student submits this evaluation anonymously, but it becomes a public document. You have absolutely no power to more...