Improve Jokes / Recent Jokes

A musical director was encountering a lot of problems with one drummer. He talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance failed to improve.
Finally, before the entire orchestra, the director said, "When a musician cannot handle his instrument and doesn't improve when help is given, they take away the instrument, give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
At that, a whisper was heard from the percussion section, "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn`t improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can`t handle his instrument and doesn`t improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can`t handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."

Yesterday I visited a translation website and translated some Christmas carols into other languages, then back into English. The results as follows:
Jingleglocken, jingleglocken, jingle completely.
Oh which fun it is to ride into a horse-opened sleigh.
("Jingle Bells," translated into German and then back into English)
Ring of sleighbells, are you listening?
In the track the snow is shining.
A beautiful vista, we are tonight happy,
Walking in the country of the wonders of the winter.
("Winter Wonderland," Spanish)
Icily Snowman a lucky merry soul
With one was formed from a key corncob,
And the nose and two eyes, those from coal.
("Frosty the Snowman," German)
Rudolph the red-nose reindeer has had a nose a lot polishes,
And if you never saw it, you would even say that she emits light.
("Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," Italian)
You would improve the clock towards the more...

I walked into the Church of Scientology to watch the free movie (and for material). When I was leaving the overly friendly lady was trying to sell me the book Dianetics.
As I refused to purchase it she said, "Are you perfect? If there was one thing that you could do to improve your life, what would it be?"
and I said, "I'd stop buying things I don't need."

Yesterday I visited a translation website and translated some Christmas carols into other languages, then back into English. The results as follows:
Jingleglocken, jingleglocken, jingle completely.
Oh which fun it is to ride into a horse-opened sleigh.
("Jingle Bells," translated into German and then back into English)
Ring of sleighbells, are you listening?
In the track the snow is shining.
A beautiful vista, we are tonight happy,
Walking in the country of the wonders of the winter.
("Winter Wonderland," Spanish)
Icily Snowman a lucky merry soul
With one was formed from a key corncob,
And the nose and two eyes, those from coal.
("Frosty the Snowman," German)
Rudolph the red-nose reindeer has had a nose a lot polishes,
And if you never saw it, you would even say that she emits light.
("Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer," Italian)
You would improve the clock towards the outside,
You more...