Ice-cream Jokes

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    Gentleman and the Waiter

    Hot 7 months ago

    THE FOLLOWING STORY CONTAINS EXPLICIT USAGE OF OBSCENE LANGUAGE IN A SEXUAL
    CONTEXT. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE BELOW THE ACCEPTABLE AGE OF 18 YEARS. THE
    AUTHOR IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY VIOLATION OR IGNORANCE OF THIS WARNING.

    There was once a posh gentleman who went to this luxurious, and highly
    pompous restaurant for a lavish dinner. He called a waiter, asked for the
    menu card, and then ordered a French soup a la' creme. Moments later, the
    waiter returned with the soup with his index finger poked inside the
    soup-bowl. Seeing this disgusting sight, the gentleman was dismayed, but
    with regard to his gentlemanly manner, remained quiet. He then ordered for
    apetizers, and the main course.
    During each of his courses, he noticed that the waiter was always poking his
    thumb into the dish. This time, the man was utterly annoyed, but still
    stayed calm, forcing his urging desire to punch the waiter, to regress.
    After enjoying more...

    A seal thought he would take a break from the beach, and decided to go for a drive. He was happily driving along the highway, slurping on his ice-cream when suddenly his car broke down. He called out a mechanic, who spent a few minutes examining the car. He said, "It looks like you've blown a seal." The seal replied, "No, it's just ice-cream."

    Here is a list of some really stupid laws I've seen:
    Alaska- You can't wake up a sleeping bear, just to take its picture.
    Florida-Unmarried women may not parachute on Sundays.
    Idaho- You can't fish from the back of a camel. (Who has a pet camel in Idaho anyway?!?)
    Oklahoma-Whaling is illegal. (hint-there aren't any oceans or whales in Oklahoma!)
    You also can't sleep on a refrigerator OUTDOORS, although it is perfectly legal to sleep on your refrigerator in public, as long as you are indoors.
    Baldwin Park, California- You can't (and why would you?) ride bicycles in swimming pools.
    Houston, Texas- You can't sell Limburger cheese on Sunday.
    Lexington, Kentucky- You can't carry an ice-cream cone in your pocket. (What are the police going to go around checking peoples pockets for ice-cream?)
    Marion, Ohio- You can't walk backwards on a city street while eating a donut.
    Myrtle Creek, Oregon- No boxing with kangaroos. (Wait, there are kangaroos in more...

    In a small town in California there lived two boys, Shut-up and Trouble. These boys were friends, but every once-in-awhile they would get into a fight. One time after they had both just gotten ice-cream, Trouble's ice-cream fell. Trouble then stole Shut-up's ice-cream and ran away. Shut-up ran after Trouble but eventually lost him, sat on a curb, and started to cry.
    A police officer pulled up and asked, "What's your name?

    You need to have a British sense of humor (ahem - that would be humour) to fully understand this. There is an explanation of some of the terms following the joke...
    Carlos the ice-cream man's van is parked at the side of the road. Lights flashing, music playing, a big queue of excited kids stretches down the street. But there's no sign of Carlos.
    A copper walking down the road wonders what is going on. "Where is Carlos?, Why is he not dishing out the ice-cream?"
    He goes over to the van and peers over the high counter.
    On the floor he spots Carlos. He's lying very still covered in chocolate sauce, strawberry sauce, nuts, hundreds and thousands and those little jelly bits.
    "Get back kids," he shouts.
    Moving away so the bemused kids cannot overhear him he gets on the radio to the police station.
    "Sarge, get someone down here quick," he stutters, "It's Carlos the ice-cream man... He's topped himself."
    Being English more...

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