Husband Jokes / Recent Jokes

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't
say a word...
he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works
at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked
at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
looking at your nuts." My sister started to more...

Voodo dick

Hot 1 year ago

A husband had to leave town on a buisness trip his wife was the flirtatious type so he thought about buying an infatable doll but that was too close to another man for him so he went to a adult toy store and talked to the old man behind the counter. The old man said well I really shouldnt show you this but ok....he bought out this box with all these stange looking symbols on it and inside lay a very ordinary looking dildo. The man was like
"That is like every other dildo in here."
The old man said well you have mot seen what it can do..he pointed to the door and said "voodo dick, the door" the dildo rose up out of the box shot towards the door and started banging the heck out of the keyhole, before it could split down the middle the old man said "voodo dick back to the box." the dildo stopped banging the keyhole and floted back to the box. The husband was so amazed he intantly offered the old man all his money and the old man accepted. He told the more...

My wife says I'm too nosey... at least, that's what she wrote in her diary.

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a
pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom
together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick," said the
woman to the lover, "into the Closet!" and she pushed him in the closet,
stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search
of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.
"Who are you?" he asked him.
"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.
"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.
"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man
replied
"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards... "

Meet the Genie

Hot 1 year ago

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, "Honey be very careful when you drive the ball-don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses! Alright let's go up there, apologize, and see how much that's going to cost."They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on in." They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side on the foyer. A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke the window?""Uh yeah. Sorry about that," the husband replied. "No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes - more...

Ex-Wife

Hot 1 year ago

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table.
Finally the wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

Planting the Lettuce

Hot 1 year ago

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:

"Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter:

"Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:

"Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter back:

"Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."