However Jokes / Recent Jokes

In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, we subjected the Hostess snack logs to the following experiments:

Exposure

A Twinkie was left on a window ledge for 4 days, during which time an inch and a half of rain fell. Many flies were observed crawling across the Twinkie's surface, but contrary to hypothesis, birds, even pigeons, avoided this potential source of substance. Despite the rain and prolonged exposure to the sun, the Twinkie retained its original color and form. When removed, the Twinkie was found to be substantially dehydrated. Cracked open, it was observed to have taken on the consistency of industrial foam insulation; the filling however, retained its advertised "creaminess"

Radiation

A Twinkie was placed in a conventional microwave oven, which was set for precisely 4 minutes - the approximate cooking time of bacon. After 20 seconds, the oven began more...

April 1, 1988: The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered
by physicists at Turgid University. The element, tentatively named
Administratium (Ad), has no protons or electrons, which means that its atomic
number is 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistants to the neutron,
75 vice-neutrons, and 111 assistants to the vice-neutrons. This gives it an
atomic mass number of 312. The 312 particles are held together in the nucleus
by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called
memoons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically because it seems to impede every reaction in which it is
present. According to Dr. M. Langour, one of the discoverers of the element, a
very small amount of Administratium made one reaction that normally takes less
than a second take over four days.
Administratium has a half-life of approximately 3 years, at more...

Since history began, the Chinese always believed in the significance of one's name. They have developed a very comprehensive system of naming one's children as it is believed that the name of a person strongly influences one's destiny and fate.
Astrologers, fortune tellers, academics and monks are consulted when choosing a name for the new born. The other cultures, however do not really believe in it and tend to brush it off as superstition. Whether you believe it or not, however, the other cultures are not spared of this correlation.
For example, the Chinese surname LEE (Li) is associated with power and success such as Lee Kuan Yew, Lee Teng Hui (Taiwanese President), Li Peng (China's ex PM), Li Ka Shing (HK tycoon) and LEE Iacocca - once Chrysler's chief, Lee Van Cliff, the actor.
One very good example is Lee Iacocca, whose first name IACOCCA stands more...

Shane Warne and Simone had been married for more than 10 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that Shane had a secret shoe box under the bed.
When they first got married Shane said,"I am putting a shoe box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 10 years of marriage, Simone had never looked. However on the afternoon of their 10th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81, 874. 25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box she was doubly curious why there even was such a box with such contents.
That evening they were out for a special anniversary dinner. After dinner Simone could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed saying "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box more...

To really succeed in a business or organization, it is sometimes helpful to know what your job is, and whether it involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers. "Hi," you should say. "I'm a new employee. What is the name of my job?" If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do crossword puzzles until retirement. Most jobs,
however, will require some work.There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:1. Taking phone messages for people who are in meetings, and, 2. Going to meetings.Your ultimate career strategy will be to get a job involving primarily No. 2, going to meetings, as soon as possible, because
that's where the real prestige is. It is all very well and good to be able to take phone messages, but you are never going to get a position of power, a position where you can cost thousands of people their jobs with a single bonehead decision, unless you more...

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.
5. When using the ceiling fan as a baseball bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A more...

Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.
Securing the rope to the ground I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs.
Due to my more...