Hose Jokes

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    More Hose

    Hot 4 months ago

    A man who worked for a fire company came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we're on the trucks ready to go. From now on we're going to run this house the same way. When I say bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say bell 2, I want you to jump into bed. When I say bell 3, we're going to screw all night.
    The next night he came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1," and his wife took off all here clothes.
    "Bell 2," and his wife jumped into bed.
    "Bell3," and they began to screw.
    After 2 minutes his wife yelled, "Bell 4."
    "What's this Bell 4?" asked her husband.
    "More hose," she replied, "You're nowhere near the fire!"

    More Hose

    Hot 4 months ago

    A man who worked for a fire company came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we're on the trucks ready to go. From now on we're going to run this house the same way. When I say bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say bell 2, I want you to jump into bed. When I say bell 3, we're going to screw all night.The next night he came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1," and his wife took off all here clothes."Bell 2," and his wife jumped into bed."Bell3," and they began to screw.After 2 minutes his wife yelled, "Bell 4.""What's this Bell 4?" asked her husband."More hose," she replied, "You're nowhere near the fire!"

    Cartman, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny noticed that their seamonkey people had evolved and built their own city by adding semen.
    So Stan, Kyle, and Cartman went out to get more semen. When Cartman comes back he has a bucket full of semen.
    "Wow, Fatass, how the fuck did you get so much semen?" asked Stan
    "Oh, i went to the sperm bank and bought all their semen" said Cartman.
    "Oh yeah, there was this one guy, he was so stupid, i got semen from him for free, all i had to do was close my eyes, bend down, and suck it out of a hose!"

    Two men walk into their local unemployment office after both being laid-off. The first man approaches the counter and is greeted by a friendly staff member.
    "I'd like to collect unemployment payments please" he says."Not a problem sir," the teller asks "What was your last profession?""I made panty hose" he responds."Ok, the staffer says, "your check will be $300. Next!"The first man steps away from the counter eyeing his check. His friend steps up, "I'd like to collect unemployment payments please""Alright sir," the teller asks " and what was your last profession?""Diesel Fitter" he remarks."Right, that's a specialty occupation, your check will be $800"The first man overhears this and jumps in, "Hey! How come I get 300 stinkin' bucks and he gets 800"The teller say professionally "Sir, this man had a special skill""Special Skill my ass! I sew the two more...

    A farmer and his wife were riding down the road in a carriage.The horse stumbled one mile down the road and the farmer yelled thats 1.The wife thougt why did he say thats 1.So she forgot about it. So another mile down the road the hose stumbled again. The farmer then said thats 2.The wife thought the same thing again, and then forgot. And then another mile down the road the hose stumbled again.The farmer then said thats 3 and pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse. Then the wife started yelling at him why did you shoot the horse. Then he said thats 1.

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