Honey Jokes / Recent Jokes

A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the
boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.

"That was a honey bee," his father said,"one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without honey for a week."

Later the boy saw a butterfly so he ran over and stomped it.
"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without butter for a week."

The next morning the family had sat down for breakfast. The boy ate
his plain toast (no honey and butter.)

Suddenly a cockroach ran from under the stove. His mother stomped it.
The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her or
should I?

A man is talking to the family doctor. "Doc, I think my wife's going deaf." The doctor answers, "Well, here's something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you'll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is."
The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer to her.
"Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no answer. He repeats this several times, until he's standing just a few feet away from her.
Finally, she answers, "For the eleventh time, I said we're having MEATLOAF!"

A man and a woman have just finished shagging when suddenly a bee flies in the bedroom window and zooms straight up the woman's love tunnel. 'Oh God!' she screams. 'Help me! There's a bee up my vagina and it's buzzing around in there (albeit rather pleasurably)!' 'Let's go says her mate, I'll rush you straight to hospital!' On arrival at the emergency room the agitated couple are ushered into a curtained-off area by a male doctor.'What seems to be the problem?' he asks. 'I've got a frigging bee up my vagina' screams the woman. 'Get it out!' 'I see,' says the doctor.'Well, there's only one way to extract this bee. I'm going to have to spread honey on my nob and entice it out.' The doctor gets out his old fella and dunks it in a jar of honey he just happens to have with him. He then mounts the woman and penetrates her with his sticky sweet love stick. 'Just an inch or two should do it,' he says.After a few seconds he slides it in a bit further. After another few seconds he says 'Hmmm, more...

A guy went to Las Vegas, and won big, really big, in one of the casinos.
When you win big in Vegas the casino will give you free things, like meals, show tickets, or rooms, this is all designed to keep you there so that you will lose what money you have won.
After winning fifty thousand dollars at the crap table, the casino decided to give the guy a night in the penthouse suite.
The guy went up to the room, opened the big double doors, and stepped into a three room suite.
The room is on a corner of the hotel and two walls are nothing but windows, with a fantastic view of the city. There's a wet bar in one corner, with a big screen T.V.
The guy dropped his bag of money in a chair and stood looking out the windows at the city.
He realized he was all alone and needed someone to share his good fortune.
He called the front desk and told the clerk to send up one of the best, high-priced call girls in the city.
Thirty minutes later there was a knock on the more...

Janet was a first time contestant on the $65,000 television quiz show. So far, luck was on her side since she had gained a substantial lead over her opponents. She had even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question.
Janet agreed to return the following day and was extremely nervous as her husband drove them home.
"I just have to win tomorrow," she said, "I really wish I knew what the answer is! You realize I'm not going to be able to sleep at all tonight and will probably look horrible tomorrow."
"Relax, honey," her husband, Robert, said reassuringly. "Everything's going to be fine."
Minutes after they arrived home, Robert grabbed the car keys and started to head out the door. "Where are you going?" Janet asked.
"I have one small errand to run," Robert replied. "I should be back soon."
After an agonizing two hour more...

A wife was out for the evening playing bingo and came home sporting a new fur coat. "Honey," she said to her husband, "look what I won at bingo!"
The next week, she came home from bingo wearing a huge diamond ring. "Hey, honey," she said, "look what I won at bingo!"
The following week, when she came home from bingo, she was driving a brand new BMW. "Look!" she exclaimed. "Look what I won at bingo!"
As she preparing to get ready for bingo the next week, her husband asked, "Darling, would you like me to draw a bath for you?"
"Oh, yes please," she replied.
When she went to get in the tub, she noticed that there was less than an inch of water in it. "Honey, how am I supposed to take a bath with such a small amount of water?" she asked.
"Well, I wouldn't want you to get your bingo card wet!" replied the husband.

A man goes to the doctor after feeling ill. The doctor says, "You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you have waited too long and you are going to die this evening." The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. Well, he tells her and she takes it pretty well. "Honey, this is going to be a night that you will always remember," she says. "I am going to treat you like a king." She prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles-the works. After dinner she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen. She leads him into their bedroom. They make the most passionate love they have ever made. The man is beside himself. Once done, the wife rolls over to go to sleep knowing she kept her promise. Well, the husband is wide awake watching the clock. He knows that he is doomed. He taps her..."Honey?" he whispers. She rolls over and again proceed to make love. Again when more...