Hole Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three men are golfing. There is Jesus, Moses and an old man.They've been pretty evenly matched until they arrive at the 11 hole to find a huge water trap. Moses tees up, and smacks that ball right out into the middle of the trap. Without a second thought he parts the water, hits the ball and gets it on the fairway, one stroke from the green. Then Jesus tees up. He smacks his ball right into the middle of the water trap. Without a second thought he walks out on the water, and hits that ball right onto the green. Finally the old man tees up. He hits the ball into the water trap. A fish swims up from the bottom of the trap with the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, picks up the fish and carries it over the hole, where the fish drops the ball and it plops into the hole. Jesus looks at the old man as Moses pencils another 1 in the old man's card. "Alright Dad, stop showing off"!

A chicken and a horse are playing in a meadow when the horse falls into a mud hole and begins to sink. The horse calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The chicken runs to get the farmer, but can't find him, so she drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. She then throws the other end of the rope to the horse and drives the car forward, saving the horse from sinking.
A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing in the meadow again. This time, the chicken falls into the mud hole. She yells to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse says, "I think I can stand over the mud hole!" So, he stretches over the width of the hole and says to the chicken, "Quick, grab my 'thingy' and pull yourself up!" The chicken does as the horse said and pulls herself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes more...

A keen but unskilled golfer plays the same course every week, and has particular trouble with the water trap on the 14th hole, losing a ball in it every time he plays that hole. One round he decides that this process is too expensive and decides to use an old cut-up ball instead of a good ball. He opens his bag and gets the old ball, tees it up and addresses it. Just as he commences his backswing, a mighty voice comes from on high: 'USE THE NEW BALL...' Figuring any advice from such a source should be worth following, he picks up the old ball and tees up the new one again. He starts his backswing, but once again is interrupted by a voice from the sky: 'TAKE A PRACTICE SWING..' The man steps away from the ball and rehearses his swing. Just as he steps forward to readdress the ball, the voice speaks again: 'USE THE OLD BALL.'

A man kills a deer and brings it home and cooks it for dinner but does not tell the children what it is.He told them he would give them a clue."its what mum calls dad sometimes", the little girl cries out"DONT EAT IT ITS AN ARSE HOLE".

A neighbor peered over his fence and noticed that little Joey was in his backyard filling in a hole. Curious about what the youngster was up to, the neighbor asked, "What are you doing, Joey?"
Tearfully, little Joey replied, "My goldfish died and I've just buried him."
"That's an awfully large hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" the concerned neighbor asked.
Patting down the last bit of earth, little Joey replied, "That's because he's in your cat!"

jesus and an old man are playing golf. they come to the third hole a 521 yd par 5. jesus tees off and hits a 300 yd drive straight down the middle of the fairway. the old man tees off and drives the ball 426 yds into the water hazzard where a thrtle swims under the ball and carries it to the other side. a fish swims under the ball hits it with its nose and knocks it out of the water onto the oppisate edge of the hazzard. a squrriel picks up the ball and carries it to the edge of the green and drops it. just then a rabbit hops by and kicks the ball across the green; it stops on the edge of the cup an earth worm pokes its nose out and gently pushes the ball into the cup for a hole in one. jesus looks at the old man and says "ok dad stop showing off and lets play golf"

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "Whatcha doing, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. "And I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."