Hitting Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Helpdesk 3

    Hot 3 years ago

    These are stories from help desks around the country.

    At 3: 37 a. m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clock to determine my annoyance level, when I received a frantic phone call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus. She had gotten her entire family out of the house and was calling from her neighbor's. She had just received her first system error and interpreted the picture of the bomb on the screen as a warning that the computer was going to blow up.

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    Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
    Customer: "Ok."
    Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
    Customer: "No."
    Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
    Customer: "No."
    Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
    Customer: "Sure, you told me to write' click' and I more...

    36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
    37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
    38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
    39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.
    40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For more...

    A bored truck driver had a nasty habit of swerving to hit attorneys he found walking along side of the highway.
    One day as he was driving along he came across a Nun who appeared to be having car trouble.
    Pulling over to offer the Nun a ride to the nearest service station, the Nun graciously thanked the driver for stopping and accepted his offer.
    After driving a few miles the truck driver saw an attorney walking along the highway.
    As was his custom, the truck driver swerved to hit the attorney but, at the last moment, remembered he had the Nun as a passenger and abruptly swerved away to avoid hitting the attorney.
    Surprised upon hearing a loud 'thump' as he passed the attorney, the truck driver peered in his rear view only to see the attorney lying injured along side of the road.
    "I'm so sorry Sister, I thought I missed hitting that attorney!" the truck driver plead.
    "You did my son, but I got him with the door!" gleed the Nun.

    A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone right now. She's hitting the bottle."

    Finally, the game of golf is beginning to make sense:
    These rules of golf are for good players whose scores would reflect their true ability, if only they got an even break once in awhile. They were adapted from those proposed by the Union Printers Golf Club in Baltimore and have some appealing provisions:
    A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed on the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled in the rough. Such veering right or left frequently results from friction between the face of the club and the cover of the ball, and the player should not be penalized for the erratic behavior of the ball resulting from such uncontrollable mechanical phenomena.
    A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. Hitting a tree is simply bad luck and has no place in a scientific game. The player should estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there, preferably from more...

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