Hero Jokes

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    Bad Date

    Hot 5 years ago

    Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage. Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like Prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself more...

    Activision plans to release Guitar Hero: Metallica later this month. Metallica guitarist Kirk Hammett ordered the first copy so he could learn all Dave Mustaine's solos. (For all you metal geeks!)

    Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end, bash up the villain (who is the *real* bad guy), and be pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a heroine - see rule 2 below). If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will a) die b) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers). Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be overruled. Else, it will be sustained. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i. e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide. In a chase, the more...

    A man goes into a bar and sits down to have a drink....he notices thatat the other end of the bar is the most attractive woman he has everseen....he is immediately lust-struck and decides that he must haveher....He leans over to the bartender and asks if the bartender has anySpanish-fly in the back....the bartender says he will check and comesback a couple of minutes later with a small packet of white powder....hesays to the man..."this isn't Spanish-fly, we are all out of that....butthis is just as good....this is Jewish-fly, and it is guaranteed to gether over here within twenty minutes after she takes it!" so the manforks over his $10 and asks the bartender to put the Jewish-fly into achampagne cocktail and deliver it to the gorgeous creature with hiscompliments... The woman drinks the champagne cocktail and looks at our hero ratherdisinterestedly... but about twenty minutes later she slinks off herbarstool....she saunters across the room toward our hero in a more...

    A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. - Sacha Guitry
    When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
    An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren't. - Sacha Guitry
    The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is Marxism. - Heidi Hartmann [The Unhappy Marriage of Marxism and Feminism]
    If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. - Katherine Hepburn
    Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. - Katherine Hepburn
    Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony. - Oliver Herford
    Wedding is destiny, and more...

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