Helping Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A tax preparer was helping some customers.
    The first guy comes in and the tax man asks him, "How much money did you make last year?"
    The guy answers, "Oh, about $100,000"
    "Gee, that's good! what do you do"
    "I'm a lawyer for a big corporation, etc"
    So the tax man finishes up with him and the next guy comes in.
    "How much money did you make last year?"
    "I made $150,000 dollars"
    "Oh really? What do you do?"
    "Well, I'm the head doctor at this big hospital..."
    And so the taxman finishes with him.
    The third guy comes in and the taxman asks him,"How much money did you make last year?"
    The guy answers, "Well, last year was a pretty good year, I made about $9,000"
    The tax man asks him, "Oh, really? What instrument do you play?"

    Dear Friends:
    Now that the holiday season has passed, please look into your heart to help those in need.
    Enron executives in our very own country are living at or just below the seven-figure salary level... right here in the land of plenty. And, as if that weren't bad enough, they will be deprived of it as a result of the bankruptcy and current SEC investigation.
    BUT NOW YOU CAN HELP!
    For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an Enron executive remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem, as it barely covers their per diem,... but it's a start!
    Almost $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to an Enron exec it could mean the difference between a vacation spent kissing political asses in DC, golfing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than rent, a car note or mortgage more...

    If you need a helping hand, look at the end of your arm.

    Q. What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
    A. Lifting his legs while you vacuum.

    A grandmother and her granddaughter were walking down the sidewalk when they come across two dogs having sex.
    "What are they doing gramndma"? asks the little girl.
    "Well honey, the one on top has hurt his paw and the one on the bottom is carrying him to the vet."
    "Figures!" says the little girl.
    "What do you mean figures?" asked grandma.
    The little girl looks up at her and says, "Well everytime you try to give someone a helping hand, you end up getting screwed!"

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