Helmet Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    I.
    Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding -glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)II.
    Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.III.
    Use the element of surprise. more...

    1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
    2. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream
    "MY PACEMAKER!"
    3. Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
    4. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student
    and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
    5. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a
    question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't
    hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
    6. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them
    your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr.
    Smartypants?"
    7. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses
    with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering
    "tsk, tsk".
    8. Ask students to call you more...

    A bear was chasing this bunny around a forest. They ran into a clearing and were running around a certain huge redwood where a genie lived. The genie got so tired of the racket that he finally came out and told the pair that he would grant them 3 wishes a piece if they would just leave him alone.
    The pair agreed.
    The bear said he would go first. "I wish...that all the bears in this forest were female." The genie granted the wish.
    The bunny just grinned and asked for a helmet.
    The bear thought that strange but continued. "I wish...that all the bears in this country to be female!" The genie granted the wish.
    The bunny just grinned again and wished for a motorcycle. He jumped on the bike, put on his helmet and started gunning it.
    The bear looked at the bunny and said, "You must be the stupidest bunny I ever met!" Then he asked for his last wish. "I wish...that all the bears in this world to be female!" The genie granted the more...

    A bear was chasing this bunny around a forest. They ran into a clearing and were running around a certain huge redwood where a genie lived. The genie got so tired of the racket that he finally came out and told the pair that he would grant them 3 wishes a piece if they would just leave him alone. The pair agreed. The bear said he would go first. "I wish...that all the bears in this forest were female." The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and asked for a helmet. The bear thought that strange but continued. "I wish...that all the bears in this country to be female!" The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned again and wished for a motorcycle. He jumped on the bike, put on his helmet and started gunning it. The bear looked at the bunny and said, "You must be the stupidest bunny I ever met!" Then he asked for his last wish. "I wish...that all the bears in this world to be female!" The genie granted the wish. The bunny just more...

    a male bear an a male rabbit r walkin through the junglewen they come across a frog the frog says ill give u both three wishes the bear says i wish all the bears in this area were female bears the rabbit says i wish for a helmet*poof*the rabbit gets the helmet so the bear is convinced the bear says i wish that all bears in scotland were female bears the rabbit says i wish for a motor bike the bear is convinced wen the rabbit gets the helmet the bear then says i wish that all the bears in the world were female bears the rabbit is driving off wen he shoutes bak I WISH THE BEAR WAS GAY

  • Recent Activity