An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holdingher hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do notintend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowingup in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!"said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down thereis 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
Three hockey fans were driving along when they spied a body in the underbrush. Stopping their car, the three guys ran over to see what they could do. Unfortunately, they found the nude body of a deceased young woman.
Being gentlemen, the first guy dropped his Vancouver Canuck's hat over one breast. The second guy, a Boston Bruin fan, placed his hat over the other breast. The Montreal Canadien fan then placed his hat over the woman's very private part.
Soon the police arrived. The coroner started checking over the body. He picked up the Canuck's hat and quickly placed it back. He then picked up the Bruin's hat and returned it. Then he picked up the Hab's fan's hat, put it down, then picked it up again inspecting the hat more closely, and then put it down. Then he picked it up a third time.
By this time, the Hab's fan was a bit irritated and he asked, "Why do you keep picking up that hat? Are you some kind of pervert or something?" The coroner more...
On coming home from a late night at the office, the partner at a presigious law firm discovered that his basement was flooded. He summoned a plumber. The plumber arrived soon afterward, with a spare set of overalls and a cap that said "Blue Collar Guy".
The lawyer, still dressed in his an expensive suit, silk tie, and gleaming wingtips, chuckled. "I like your hat," he said. "But you're the first plumber I've met who brought a change of clothes to a job." The plumber smiled.
The plumber went down into the basement, and the lawyer heard him working downstairs. Before too long, the plumber came back upstairs. "I'm almost done down there. I'm going to write up your bill, then I'm going to go out to my truck for a tool I need to finish up."
The plumber added, "The overalls and hat you asked me about, they're not for me. I'm looking for a new assistant, and I was hoping you might know somebody who wanted the job." The lawyer more...
A guy was standing in front of the gorilla cage at the zoo one day, when a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless. When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means "screw you" in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the victim feel any better - and he vowed revenge. The next day, he purchased two large knives, two party hats, two party horns, and a large sausage. Putting the sausage in his pants, he hurried to the zoo and went right up to the gorilla's cage where he opened up his bag of goodies. Knowing that gorillas were natural mimics, he put on a party hat. The gorilla looked at him, reached through the bars, grabbed a hat from the bag, and put it on. Next, the guy picked up his horn and blew on it. The gorilla reached out, picked up his horn, and did the same. Then the more...
A MAN who had lost his hat decided that the simplest way to replace it was to go to church and steal one from the cloakroom. Once inside, he heard a sermon on the Ten Commandments. Coming out, he was greeted by the minister and said to him,' I want you to know, Reverend, that you saved me from crime. I came here with sin in my heart. I was going to steal a hat, but after hearing your sermon I changed my mind.'
'Great/ exulted the minister.' Would you tell me what I said that led you to change your mind?'
'Well, Reverend, when you got to that part about "Thou shalt not commit adultery", I suddenly remembered where I had left my hat.'