Harry Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man confided to his doctor that he had grown tired of his wife and wished there was a way of doing her in so he could have some good years left to himself.
"Make love to her every single day for a year," the doctor advised. "She'll never make it!"
About a year later, the doctor stopped by the man's house. He found the man sitting on the porch, looking thin and frail. The doctor could see the wife out back splitting wood, looking very tanned and robust.
"Hello, Harry, you're looking good," said the doctor uneasily, "and Jenny certainly is the picture of health."
"Yeah, but little does she know," hissed Harry with an evil grin, "that tomorrow she dies!"
A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla up in the tree in his front yard. Not knowing quite what to do, he looks in the yellow pages under "Gorilla Removal Service" and sure enough finds a listing-Harry's Ape Removal.
So he calls up Harry and about an hour later Harry shows up with all the tools of his trade, a pick-up truck, a pair of handcuffs, a ferociously-trained dog and a shotgun.
Harry then proceeds to explain the removal procedure to the man because he will need help:
"Now, I'm going to climb up in this tree and shake the tree until the gorilla falls out of the tree. The very instant the gorilla hits the ground, this daog is trained to rush up and bite his balls off. This will temporarily immobilize the gorilla allowing you to safely walk up and place the handcuffs on him. I'll then get him into the truck while he's still in a daze".
Harry then begins to climb the tree and the man asks, "Hey what's the shotgun more...
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life." Harry says, "My God!... What's the good news?" The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead!"
Marvin the Nature Lover spied a grasshopper hopping in the grass, and in a mood for communing with nature rare even among full-fledged Nature Lovers, he spoke to the grasshopper, saying: "Hello, friend grasshopper. Did you know they've named a drink after you?" "Really?" replied the grasshopper, obviously pleased. "They've named a drink Fred?"
Harry's tomcat^
Screams of delight piercing the air attested to the fact that Harry's tomcat was indeed the cat's meow. But, after numerous complaints from the neighbors, Harry sadly agreed to allow a veterinarian to render the cat fit to guard a sultan's harem.
"I'll bet," ventured one of Harry's neighbors weeks later, "that that ex-tom of yours just lies on the hearth now and gets fat."
"No," said Harry, "he still goes out. But now he goes along as a consultant."