guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always
wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads
in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day
he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for
sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed
to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about
it with the owner.
"This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you
gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.
"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty
simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside
and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.
It protects it from the rain. In
fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my
tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it."
and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.
The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker.
He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's
ecstatic (being a Harley more...
A young man has always dreamed on owning a Harley Davidson. One dayhe has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer.After picking out the perfect bike the dealer warns him that if he leaves his Harley in the rain the chrome has a tendency to rust.He tells the young man an old biker's trick is to keep a jar ofVaseline handy and smear it on the chrome if the bike must beleft out in the rain.A few months later the young man meets a woman and falls in love. Sheasks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner. He readilyagrees and the date is set. At the appointed time he picks her up onhis Harley and they ride to her parents house. Before they go in shetells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks firstafter dinner must do the dishes.After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the firstperson to break and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteenminutes the young man decides to speed things up so he reaches over and kisses more...
Arthur Davidson of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angle tells Davidson, "Well, you've
been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven."
Davidson thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with God, Himself".
The befeathered fellow at the Gates takes Arthur to the Throne Room and introduces him to God.
Arthur then asks God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?"
God says " Ah, yes."
"Well," says Davidson, "You have some major flaws in your invention.
Number 1 is there's too much front end protrusion, secondly, it chatters at high speeds, number 3 the rear end wobbles too much, and fourth the intake is placed too close to the exhaust."
"Hmmmmm...." replies God, "hold on." God goes to the Celestial Super computer, types in a few keystrokes, more...
Darrell the banjo picker's canonical list of Banjo Jokes...
(You've been warned)
Approved for all audiences
o What's the difference between a banjo and a(n)...
No one cries when you cut up a banjo.
An Uzi only repeats forty times.
(c.) chain saw
A chain saw has a dynamic range
and you can turn a chain saw off.
(d.) Harley Davidson motorcycle
You can tune a Harley.
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
o Playing the banjo is a lot like throwing a javelin blindfolded...you don't
have to be very good to get people's attention.
o What did the banjo player get on his IQ (or SAT) test?
o Why do some people take an instant aversion to banjo players?
It saves time in the long run.
o What will you never say about a banjo player?
That's the banjo player's Porsche.
o Banjo players are a lot like sharks-they think they have to keep playing or
The founder of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "You've been a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world.
Your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented,
"So you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycles, eh?"
Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me..." God commented, "Well, what's the big deal about inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road!?!"
Arthur was embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me but aren't you the inventor of woman???"
God said, "Ah, yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "Professional to more...