Handcuffs Jokes / Recent Jokes

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one. "Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks. "Boy," is the man's response. "Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there," says the service guy. An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some nstructions: "Now, I'm going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla's testicles off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on him." The man asks, "What do I do with the shotgun?" The service guy replies, "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua."

A man walks outside to his car for work, when he notices a gorilla in his tree. He rushs to his phone book and finds the animal control number, calls and asks them to send over someone who's a gorilla expert.
When the man arrives, he is carrying a shotgun, a chihuahua and a pair of handcuffs. The man says,''What are all of those for?''
The animal control officer says,' 'I'll climb up in the tree, knock the gorilla down, the dog will bite him in the nuts and you must slap the handcuffs on his wrists.''
The man asks,' 'What is the gun for?''
The animal control officer responds,' 'If I fall first, you shoot the dog!'''

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.
"Is it a boy or girl gorilla?" the service guy asks.
"Boy," is the man's response.
"Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there", says the service guy. An hour later the guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some instructions: "Now, I'm going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla's testicles off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on."
The man asks, "What do I do with the shotgun?"
The service guy replies, "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua."

This bloke wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in atree in his garden.He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.
''Is it a boy gorilla or a girl gorilla?'' the service bloke asks.
''Boy gorilla'', replies the man.
''Righto'', says the service bloke. ''I'll be round in a jiffy.'' An hour later the service bloke shows up with a stick, a Pit Bull Terrier, a shotgun and a pair of handcuffs.
''Right'' he says to the man.'' I'm going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls.When he does, this highly trained Pit Bull will tear the gorilla's balls off. When the gorilla crosses his hands over his crotch to protect himself, you slip the handcuffs on,''
''OK,'' says the man, ''but what's the shotgun for?''
''I'm glad you asked that,'' says the service bloke. '' If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla does, then blow the dog's brains out

once there were three girls and they all died at the same time and went to heaven.the man at the gate said u can go in but dont step on a duck because they are Gods favorite animal. they all agreed and walked insige to find millions of ducks. they walked in carefully but the first girl steps on a duck. then a man comes and handcuffs her to the ugliest man ever! the other to are more careful now but then a couple weeks later the other girls steps on a duck and she gets handcuffed to the ugliest man ever. the other girl does great. she goes months and months and doesnt step on a duck. then the man comes and handcuffs her to the most gorgeous man ever! she says well i dont no wat i did to deserve this! then the man says well i dont no wat u did but i steped on a duck!

As he was quietly watching television at home, the chap heard a sound on the roof of his house and rushed out to investigate. Seeing it was a fair-sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home, he promptly called up the local zoo authorities to inform them one of their animals had escaped. He was reassured that a gorilla recovering units was on the way and to remain calm.
A few minutes later, an old beat up truck, displaying the Gorilla recovery unit logo on its panels, pulled up to the house. The elderly driver proceeds to recover from the back of the truck, a chiwawa dog, a pair of handcuffs, a ladder, a baseball bat, and a 12-gauge shotgun. Puzzled on how this lone elderly was to solve the problem of this gorilla that had by now torn half the roof apart, the chap asked him how he would go about doing this. As he handed him over the 12-gauge shotgun, the zoo employee explained the plan:
"First I'll climb up there with the ladder. Then I'll approach the gorilla and more...

I'm am writing this little story in the day of the lives of Laura and Randy. It all started on a Sunday mourning, bright and early, with boredom. We decided to spend a fun filled day with all the luxuries of our lives. We decided to start the day with a ride on his Harley, witch we both enjoy the freedom of the road. We road for a couple of hours and a took a well needed rest, so then we decided to take a cruise on my boat, which we also enjoy, because of all the quiet and alone time, with no one else around, not even a phone. We cruised for around a hour or so and decided it was time to get something to eat, so we returned home and jumped in the explorer and headed down the road to get something to eat. Well we hit the road and came across a Rite Aide, and I decided to ask him to pull in and get me some Captain Morgans, and he did just that. As he left the liquor store he put my alcohol in the back of the explore, now my day seemed to be complete. So with all he did with me and for more...