Handcuffed Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Don't Hit The Ducks

    Hot 2 years ago

    Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven.

    Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen.

    St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule:
    Don't hit the ducks.
    The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks "The ducks?"
    "Yes", St. Peter replies, "There are millions of ducks walking around the course and if one gets hit, he squawks then the one next to him squawks and soon they're all squawkin to beat the band, and it really breaks the tranquility. If you hit the ducks, you'll be punished, otherwise everything is yours to enjoy."
    After entering the course, the men noted that there was indeed a gaggle of ducks everywhere. Within fifteen minutes, one of the guys hit one of them. The duck squawked, the one next to it squawked and soon there was a deafening roar of duck more...

    Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there.
    ''Why?'' he asks.
    St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy. He asks why.
    St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The third guy laughs at his friends and says, ''Thank God I didn't do anything like that.'' He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, ''Why?''
    ''Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.''

    Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there.
    ''Why?'' he asks.

    St. Paul replies,' 'When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy. He asks why.

    St. Paul replies,' 'When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The third guy laughs at his friends and says,' 'Thank God I didn't do anything like that.'' He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask,' 'Why?''

    ''Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.''

    One day three teenage girls were driving along when they had a terrible accident. They were all sent to heaven.

    At the gates, they met St. Peter. He said to them, "Welcome to Heaven. There is only one rule here, don't step on the ducks, don't bother them, just leave them alone. If you do bother them in any way you will be handcuffed to the ugliest person in Heaven for all eternity."

    The first teen thought that this was rather funny and in all her laughter stepped back almost falling over.

    "QUACK!"

    She had stepped on a duck and so she was handcuffed to the ugliest person in heaven.

    The other two teens walked around Heaven constantly torturing their unlucky friend.

    As fate would have it the second teen stepped on a duck also.

    She was handcuffed to the second ugliest person in Heaven.

    The two girls sat moping at the fact that they were chained to these people for more...

    Q. What do you call a handcuffed man? A. Trustworthy.

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