Handbags Jokes

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    Handbags

    Hot 5 years ago

    The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives go shopping one day to a big department store. While they are there a fire breaks out. Everyone in the store is killed, including the three women.
    Their husbands are summoned to the local police station where a policewoman breaks the news to them: "I'm afraid sirs that we believe your wives were killed in the fire at the department store. However the fire was so intense we cannot identify the bodies. Only their handbags survived the blaze. Can you identify your wives' handbags from these three found in the store?"
    The three men all look at the handbags and each one is able to identify one of the handbags as belonging to his wife. With all handbags accounted for the policewoman leaves the men to deal with their grief in peace.
    The three men sit in silence for a while, then the Englishman opens his wife's handbag and rummages through the contents, finally pulling out a half-empty packet of cigarettes and says more...

    25 rules for Women to follow:
    1. Sports Center starts at 11:00 PM and runs an hour. This is a great time to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer or talk to your sister. Do not bother me!!
    2. Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game DO, in fact, constitute going out to dinner.
    3. Unlike you, we essentially want to dress just exactly like all our friends. Thus, you need not go much further than the Gap, J. Crew, Banana Republic or the local Patagonia store.
    4. If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work?
    5. Butthead is the smart one.
    6. Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear?
    7. You probably don't want to know what we're thinking about.
    8. Silence does not need to be filled with discussions about "us" and "the relationship."
    9. Things you can help with: the Sunday crossword, yard work, the dishes, cleaning, and grocery shopping.
    10. Things you should let us do alone: figuring out where we more...

    25 rules for Women to follow:1. Sports Center starts at 11:00 PM and runs an hour. This is a great time to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer or talk to your sister. Do not bother me! 2. Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game DO, in fact, constitute going out to dinner.3. Unlike you, we essentially want to dress just exactly like all our friends. Thus, you need not go much further than the Gap, J. Crew, Banana Republic or the local Patagonia store.4. If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work? 5. Butthead is the smart one.6. Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear? 7. You probably don't want to know what we're thinking about.8. Silence does not need to be filled with discussions about "us" and "the relationship."9. Things you can help with: the Sunday crossword, yard work, the dishes, cleaning, and grocery shopping.10. Things you should let us do alone: figuring out where we are, watching anything on TBS, playing cards, more...

    Men's Rules for Women
    * If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of those ways makes you sad or angry... we meant it the other way.
    * Department stores and malls were purposely designed so that when you want to look at bed linens, shower curtains or handbags, speakers, tires or sporting equipment are always nearby.
    * We don't know ANYTHING about handbags. Please, don't even ask.
    * We DID water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows why...
    * Silence does not always need to be filled with discussions about "us" and "the relationship."
    * It is in neither your best interest or ours to take those stupid magazine quizzes together.
    * Actually, you probably don't want to know what we're thinking.
    * Good things for you to help us with: the Sunday crossword puzzle, yard work, the dishes, cleaning, and grocery shopping.
    * Things you should let us do alone: figuring out where we are, watching ESPN, playing cards, more...

    The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives go shopping one day to a big department store. While they are there a fire breaks out. Everyone in the store is killed, including the three women. Their husbands are summoned to the local police station where a policewoman breaks the news to them: "I'm afraid sirs, that we believe your wives were killed in the fire at the department store. However the fire was so intense we cannot identify the bodies. Only their handbags survived the blaze. Can you identify your wives' handbags from these three found in the store?" The three men all look at the handbags and each one is able to identify one of the handbags as belonging to his wife. With all handbags accounted for the policewoman leaves the men to deal with their grief in peace. The three men sit in silence for a while, then the Englishman opens his wife's handbag and rummages through the conte nts, finally pulling out a half-empty packet of cigarettes and says "All these more...

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