Halloween Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Halloween party

    Hot 6 years ago

    A married couple was invited to a Halloween party. That night, as they were getting ready to go out, the wife said she had developed a migraine headache and had to stay home. She told her husband to go to the party without her. "Don't let me spoil a good time for you," she said. After further discussion, the husband put his costume on and went to the party. The wife took some aspirin and went to bed.After sleeping for a while, she woke feeling much better and decided to go to the party and surprise her husband. As she was getting ready, she thought to herself, "I wonder what my husband really does when I'm not around." She then got into a different costume, so her husband wouldn't recognize her, and went to the party. Getting there, she stood off to the side and watched.There was her husband dancing with one girl after another and getting very physical with them. She decided to see just how far he would go. She went up to him and started dancing with him, got very more...

    You Mama's So Ugly...

    Hot 4 years ago

    - Yo Mama's so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals"
    - Yo Mama's so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yeah! Let's go bury it!"
    - Yo Mama's so ugly, they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
    - Yo Mama's so ugly, when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.
    - Yo Mama's so ugly, they didn't make a costume for her when she tried out for Star Wars.
    - Yo Mama's so ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say, "Damn! Is it Halloween already?"
    - Yo Mama's so ugly, the govt. moved Halloween to her birthday.
    - Yo Mama's so ugly, her mom had to feed her with a sling shot.
    - Yo Mama's so ugly, she had to trick-or-treat over the phone.
    - Yo Mama's so ugly, two guys broke into her apt., she yelled "rape", they yelled "NO!"
    - Yo mama's so ugly, she's like Taco Bell. When more...

    One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume party. All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce what there characters were.When one couple arrived he announced "Mickey and Minnie Mouse".As the next couple arrived he announced "Tarzan and Jane" and so on as each guest arrived.Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants but apart from that totally naked from head to toe."Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman. Having ascertained that the man was indeed an invited guest from the local university CS department The doorman asked "How shall I announce you?"The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation""I'm very sorry sir", said the doorman in obvious shock, "I cannot announce anything like that to such a gathering.""O.K." said the professor. "Just say I came in my pants"

    Raffle Winners

    Hot 4 years ago

    Several days before Halloween, Tom, Dick and Harry were sitting in a bar enjoying a few quiet drinks, when they decided to get in on the Halloween raffle. Since the raffle was for charity, they bought five $1 tickets each. When the raffle was drawn a few days later, they each won a prize.
    Tom won the first prize - a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce. Dick was the winner of the second prize - a six month supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti. And Harry won the sixth prize - a toilet brush.
    The next time they met at the bar, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.
    "Great," said Tom. "I love spaghetti."
    "Me too," replied Dick. "And how's the toilet brush, Harry?"
    "Not so good," Harry groaned, "I reckon I'll go back to paper."

    I have come to the conclusion after seeing my neighbors decorate their houses for Halloween that Pumpkins are the angriest of all the vegetables

    Chillout!!! Of all the Cururbita Cucubitaceae I know, your the most delicious...as a soup OR as a seasonal Ale!!

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