There was a German, an Italian and a Newfie on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die...
1. To be shot
2. To be hung
3. To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death
The German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
The Italian said "Just hang me." With a snap of the rope he was dead.
Then the Newfie said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot and the Newfie fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
The Newfie said "Give me another one of those shots." The guards injected him again and now the Newfie was laughing so hard that tears rolled down his cheeks and he was doubled over laughing.
Finally the warden said "What is wrong with you?"
The Newfie replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom."
prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear
Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the
back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read
all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever
you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where
I hid all the money."
A week or so later, he received another letter from
his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe
what happened, some men came with shovels to the house,
and dug up the entire back garden."
The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear
wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."
A blonde a brunette and a
redhead were convicted of a crime and sent to jail. Then they decide to
escape, the brunette jumps up on the wall and then jumps in the bushes
on the other side. The guards poke their heads around the door to see
what the noise was so the brunette says, 'meow meow.' The guards say,
'don't worry it was just a cat.' So then the redhead has to go, she gets
up on the wall and jumps off into the bushes. Once again the guards come
out and see what the trouble was and the redhead says, 'meow meow.' The
guards say, 'oh never mind, just another cat...'
So then its the blondes turn, so she gets up on the wall and jumps off
and into the bushes. And the guards come out once again to see what all
the noise is so the blonde says, 'Dont Worry Its Just Another Cat!!'
One day i was out looking for a Birthday present for my sisters 19th birthday and as i was walking down the card isle and spotted something that looked like it would be good....But before i tell you the joke you need to know that my all of my sisters x boyfreinds have either been in jail or are on their way to jail so back to the card....
On the front it said
Hey Sis i was going to get all of your x boyfreinds to sign this card for you... then when you opened it up it said However the guards wouldnt let them have any sharp objects!!!
Stalin is giving a speech in a small auditorium. During a pause, someone
in the audience sneezes. Looking up, Stalin asks,
Noone answers. Stalin orders the guards to escort the last three rows of
people outside, where they are executed. Stalin then asks,
"Now, who sneezed?"
Again, noone answers. Again, Stalin orders the guards to escort the last
three rows outside. Shots are heard. Again, Stalin asks,
"Now! Who sneezed??"
A small, bespectacled man in the second row raises his hand and says,
"Um, I did, comrade."
To which Stalin replies,
... and then continues his speech.