Gotten Jokes / Recent Jokes
CHORUS
Rudolph Got Run Over by my Grandma
just as he arrived on Christmas Day
She had gotten sick and tired of hearin'
that song where she gets trampled by a sleigh.
She'd been listening to the radio
and she nearly lost her breath
yellin' cuss words at the DJ
for playin' that song where she gets hooved to death.
So she set out on the warpath
there was evil in her eye
she said "I'm gonna find that reindeer
and by golly, one of us is gonna die!"
CHORUS
Rudolph Got Run Over by my Grandma
just as he arrived on Christmas Day
She had gotten sick and tired of hearin'
that song where she gets trampled by a sleigh.
Santa Claus had made a landing
on the new expressway
Grandma was doin' 120
with her headlights pointed straight at Santa's sleigh.
' Twas an awful sound of impact
Grandma really nailed him good
There were hoofprints on her windshield
and a pair of more...
Top ten reasons why owning a plumbing contracting business is similar to running a bordello...
Most "service work" by employees is done either while kneeling, or while flat on their backs.
While on the job, most employees have their butt cracks, bare midriff, and other parts of their anatomy exposed.
When a customer hires you, they know up front they're going to pay through the nose.
Unless they've been through the process before, your customer tends to be very nervous initially, then accepting and even enjoying what's taking place during, and in the end, usually feel relaxed, and feel like that they've gotten their money's worth.
If they don't feel they've gotten their money's worth, the response is universally the same: "I've been screwed!"
The government, from local law enforcement to EPA to Public Health and everyone in between, is determined to drive you out of business with nit-picking regulations and stupid laws which criminalize more...
Ive sure gotten old. Ive had two By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. Im half blind, cant hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Cant remember if Im 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But..... Thank God, I still have my Florida drivers license!
It`s gotten so bad that even Alex Keaton would have shifted parties and voted for me this year.
I've sure gotten old. I've had two By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But.....Thank God, I still have my Florida driver's license!
I've gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing aid before I can ask where I left my glasses.
It is important for men to remember, that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain t he same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive and there ain't nothing worse then an oversensitive woman.
My name is Doug... Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Ernestine.
When I was laid off from my consulting job and took "early retirement" in April, it became necessary for Ernestine to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.
Shortly after she started working I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the Golf Course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the more...