Gotten Jokes

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    Letter of Divorce

    Hot 5 years ago

    Dear Husband:
    I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
    P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
    Your EX-Wife
    Dear Ex-Wife
    Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a more...

    CHORUS
    Rudolph Got Run Over by my Grandma
    just as he arrived on Christmas Day
    She had gotten sick and tired of hearin'
    that song where she gets trampled by a sleigh.
    She'd been listening to the radio
    and she nearly lost her breath
    yellin' cuss words at the DJ
    for playin' that song where she gets hooved to death.
    So she set out on the warpath
    there was evil in her eye
    she said "I'm gonna find that reindeer
    and by golly, one of us is gonna die!"
    CHORUS
    Rudolph Got Run Over by my Grandma
    just as he arrived on Christmas Day
    She had gotten sick and tired of hearin'
    that song where she gets trampled by a sleigh.
    Santa Claus had made a landing
    on the new expressway
    Grandma was doin' 120
    with her headlights pointed straight at Santa's sleigh.
    'Twas an awful sound of impact
    Grandma really nailed him good
    There were hoofprints on her windshield
    and a pair of ripped-off antlers on her more...

    I Found this on another website, it is soooo true =D
    You call your dog Shinji and your cat Neko.
    You perform a canon ball dive into a pool while yelling "Spirit Bomb!"
    Your house has an anime room.
    You and your friends flash peace signs and take girlish poses when you are happy.
    You get an anime tattoo. Even though you're scared of needles.
    Your walls are covered in wall scrolls and posters from your favorite series.
    If you use the term 'Kawaii' for describing everything.
    You try to convince your girlfriend that 'cat ears' and 'tail' really looks good on them.
    You can sing songs from your favorite shows, in Japanese, even though you don't speak Japanese...
    You spent hours looking through your library for a copy of "The Universe of Four Gods"
    You have legally changed your name to that of your favorite character.
    You wear a necklace and fall down every time someone says sit boy.
    You insist on having an entrance that more...

    Top ten reasons why owning a plumbing contracting business is similar to running a bordello...
    Most "service work" by employees is done either while kneeling, or while flat on their backs.
    While on the job, most employees have their butt cracks, bare midriff, and other parts of their anatomy exposed.
    When a customer hires you, they know up front they're going to pay through the nose.
    Unless they've been through the process before, your customer tends to be very nervous initially, then accepting and even enjoying what's taking place during, and in the end, usually feel relaxed, and feel like that they've gotten their money's worth.
    If they don't feel they've gotten their money's worth, the response is universally the same: "I've been screwed!"
    The government, from local law enforcement to EPA to Public Health and everyone in between, is determined to drive you out of business with nit-picking regulations and stupid laws which criminalize more...

    It`s gotten so bad that even Alex Keaton would have shifted parties and voted for me this year.

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